The Partnered Edition by Share What do rubber bands, flip-flops, and underwear all have in common? They can all be used to make your own sex toys. With a little know-how, creativity and a handful of household items, you can do-it-yourself with toys for yourself or for you and your partner s.
You may find yourself wondering why you'd want to make your own toys rather than simply buying them. We went over the reasons in more detail in our first DIY toy article , but they generally boil down to age, cost, or privacy concerns. If you're under 18, it's not legal for a sex toy store to sell you their products. You may not have a credit card with which to purchase sex toys online.
You may live in a town without a brick and mortar store nearby, or one you feel comfortable going to, or find that the toys you want are out of your price range. And, some people live in spaces where having something that is obviously for sexy purposes in their room could lead to some awkward or unpleasant conversations with the people they live with. So, all things considered, DIYing your own may be the way to go.
We won't be covering vibrators and their relatives in this article, because we got that all covered for you in our self-love edition. In fact, just figure that article is part one of this one. Any toy you use for masturbation whether it's something you made or something you bought can absolutely be incorporated into partnered play when you and your partner want to do that.
Now, not everything we're going to discuss may sound appealing to you, and that's absolutely fine. One persons "Hells yes! Think of the toys here, and ways to use them, as possible options if they appeal to you and yours, just like a list of sexual activities is just about possible options. Our aim is just to cover of the types of improvised toys that you can DIY to use when being sexual with a partner if and when they are something you both want to explore. A word about safewords A safeword is a specific, mutually known and understood something a person says to bring any kind of sex, touch or other interaction to an immediate halt.
Some of the activities we'll cover like spanking are generally assumed to need safewords. This is a correct assumption, but I want to clarify two things.
First of all, unless there's been an explicit conversation otherwise, words like "no," "stop," or "ouch" should be treated as automatic safewords no matter what type of activity you're engaging in. And, honestly, while some people will tend to separate types of sex into "those that require safewords" and "those that don't," that's sort of a false dichotomy. Ultimately, we should always be checking in with our partners, taking note of their body language, the sounds they make, and and be responsive to them.
That's important whether we're doing something that we define as " kinky " or not. In other words, safewords can be a great practice for any kind of sexual activity, not just for some kinds.
There's one other concern about partners and sex toys we should tacklebefore we get to the how-tos, and that's If and when partners get weird about toys Sometimes, a partner may feel jealous or insecure when the other partner suggests using or says they are already using sex toys.
To be clear, if anyone is genuinely frightened or made uncomfortable by using certain toys, then they other partner needs to just accept that. Just like we just need to accept it -- even if we're bummed -- when someone doesn't feel comfortable or otherwise want to do a sexual activity like oral sex or intercourse , the same goes here.
The problem I'm talking about, though, is more about partners who are getting weird because they're making some weird assumptions. Or when someone thinks that if someone wants to use a toy for something instead of one of their body parts, they may as well not be there because their partners "doesn't need them anymore. This is an issue that we see crop up on our direct services from time to time, so let's make a few things clear. First of all, using and enjoying sex toys is not a sign that someone does not love or is not satisfied by a partner just like how masturbating is not a sign you're not unsatisfied by your partner.
If a partner is using sex toys, this is probably not a slight against anyone's "performance. If your partner wants to introduce sex toys into partnered play, this is not likely a commentary on anyone's inadequacy.
Many people enjoy using sex toys with their partners because it introduces a new dimension to the activities they already do and enjoy. Using toys can help partners explore different ways of experiencing pleasure together. And, sex toys can also increase or augment the sensations we're getting from a partner for example: So, if someone is feeling insecure because a partner wants to use toys, they can consider not thinking about them as a thing that is somehow "replacing" anyone, and instead think of them as something people want to add to their sexual life as an addition, just like say, you might want to add a new sexual activity that doesn't involve a toy, or like you might want to explore using something like ice cubes on someone's body.
Using toys with partners is most often just about wanting to add things to see if having fun could be even more fun, or fun in a new way. Of course, sometimes too, in order to have a certain kind of sexual response or sensation, or to do so in a way that their body is able, some people do need toys, which is one reason they are also sometimes called "sexual aids.
If and when that's the case, it can be helpful to think of it much in the same way you may think about someone who needs to use a cane to walk, or who needs to use a medication in order to get to sleep. Safer Sex DIY-Style Let's say you and a partner are looking to engage oral sex, but find yourselves without a dental dam.
What do you do? Get crafty, of course! You can make a dental dam three different ways: To go from condom to dam, unwrap the condom, cut off the tip, then make one cut up the side of the condom so that you can unroll it into a square. And just like that, you have a dental dam. If you don't have condoms, but do have latex gloves, you can use those instead.
Having disposable gloves around is actually a handy habit to get into, as it makes manual sex safer and sometimes also makes it feel better! Just make sure they're not the kind of gloves that have talc inside them, as the powder can irritate the genitals and is no fun to get in your mouth.
To make a dental dam from a glove, have your partner hold the bottom of the glove in one hand and the four fingers not the thumb in the other. Take some scissors and cut the fingers off. Then, make a cut up the side of the glove where the pinky once was. You should now be able to unfold the glove into a rectangle with the thumb in the center.
And there's your dam! As a bonus, you can use the leftover thumb for manual stimulation. You may also want to keep you preferred flavored lube around, as latex gloves do not taste great all by themselves. In a pinch, you can also use clear plastic wrap aka saran wrap as a makeshift dental dam.
This method has not been studied thoroughly, and it may be less effective at preventing STI transmission than using a condom or a glove is. But it's still safer to use the plastic wrap than to go without a barrier entirely. You'll just want to use the to use the kind of wrap that is NOT microwave safe. Microwave-safe plastic wrap has holes in it that make it easier for pathogens to pass between you and your partner. Once you've made your dam, write a non-reversible word or letter in one corner of the dam, on the side facing you.
That way, you won't accidentally reverse the sides during sex writing it in the corner will help you avoid licking ink while you're down there. And, as with their non-DIY counterparts, these dams are a one time use only proposition.
Once you're done with them, throw them away. Saran wrap, balloons, sandwich baggies or any other pseudo-condom you can think of? They do not and will not work like the real deal. There are no substitutes for condoms when it comes to pregnancy or STI prevention.
DIY Harness Maybe you and a partner are curious about bringing a strap-on dildo or vibrator into your sex life. But there is a way to make a harness that is both comfy and covert on a budget.
Now, there are quite a few steps involved in making your harness, so I'm going to give you an abridged version so you can see if it sounds like something you want to try. If it tickles your fancy, you can find the full directions with handy illustrations here.
To begin, you will need a tight-fitting pair of underwear made from a thick fabric, a needle and thread, scissors, sewing pins, and a rubber ring that fits your dildo DIY or otherwise. Use the scissors to cut an X that's slightly smaller than the ring in the front of the underwear.
Flip the undies inside out and place the ring around the X. Stretch the cut fabric over the ring until it is completely covered. Pin the flaps down and sew the ring tightly in place with the needle and thread, taking the pins out as you go. You may want to make several loops with the thread for added security. Then, cut off the flaps, flip the undies right-side out, and you have yourself a homemade harness.
Spanking Let's say you a partner enjoy spanking which needn't just be about bottoms, or about bottoms at all, if no one wants , or are curious about experimenting with those kinds of sex play, but can't get your hands on the type of paddle, flogger, or whip that they sell in a sex toy store.
Never fear, there's a plethora of household items that can come to your rescue. If you're trying to decide on an item, it can help to consider what kind of sensation you're after. Broader, flatter objects generally create a "thud" feeling, while narrower items are more likely to sting. You'll want to avoid anything that can shatter or splinter upon impact, and anything that could pierce the skin. You and your partner will also want to discuss if there are any items that are off limits entirely.
For instance, objects like wooden spoons, belts, or hairbrushes are sometimes used by parents or other adults to hit kids. So, you don't want to choose any item that might trigger unhappy memories for you or your partner. For the sake of household harmony and general respect, with any of these things, you will likely want to avoid using other people's stuff, or anything shared in the household that can't be washed before and after.
Too, if you don't want to have to fess up or wind up with a red face you have to hide, you may not want to use the last of anything in your house to make these items. That lets you avoid the cringe-and-duck when your Mom asks, "Where did all my rubberbands go?
Hairbrushes can make great improvised paddles. Just make sure you're using one that has one flat side, and are using that side of it, not the side with the bristles. Make sure you are only using the flat part of the belt and avoiding the buckle. Too, know that something long and with weight, like a belt, gets a good deal of momentum sometimes that can be unexpected and unintended.
So, it's always a good idea to err on the side of caution -- and lightness -- when using things like this. Many common cooking tools can be commandeered for sexy purposes. Silicone or rubber spatulas are a popular choice, as are wooden spoons.