Lover of dogs, food, coffee, bourbon and exploring new places. I reported him multiple times, he only got a temporary ban, and when he was back I harassed POF on social media until they fully removed him.
However, I decided I was going to try to take the process a little more seriously, less mindless swiping, really try to meet someone etc. I added these two pictures to my profiles: I felt like these photos served a few purposes.
Most of my professional work has been in low income and minority communities so I have strong feelings about how his presidency will impact those populations. So, these photos were really just a little extra reminder. I purposely did not reactivate my profile on POF because I hate the site, but at one point I was showing someone on Twitter how to hide her profile and I guess as I was going through the steps of how to do it and taking screenshots, I accidentally un-hid mine.
Funny enough, I guess I was meant to see this particular message, because I logged on and it was a message from the original racist. He had started a new account and messaged me: This situation, while annoying, inspired me to conduct an experiment.
I left the paragraph about not wanting to date Trump supporters in there, and just added the two photos and did nothing else. But, I have gotten a few politically charged messages over the past three weeks. I want to take a minute to note that I know people have a variety of opinions on how much to consider politics when finding someone to date. But the point is, these are MY values and MY preferences when it comes to dating.
I reported this one but he is still there. Ahhhh, the classic move of calling a woman who disagrees with you fat. I reported this guy May 2, he is still there. I have occasionally had this issue elsewhere — I think something like this happened once on Bumble, but their awesome moderators took care of it right away, and it has happened maybe twice on OKC but I contacted them and they eventually removed the profiles in question. I got these messages from a guy last night: His profile said he was a business owner, so I did a reverse image search on his pictures to try to figure out what his business was so I could be sure to never patronize it.
I found his Instagram and Facebook, and the person from his photos is really a man that lives in Las Vegas very far from where I live , and has been in a relationship with a man since At this point I either knew that his photos had been stolen or that some random gay guy in Nevada was posing as an East Coast straight man just to harass women. He had a lot of photos of this guy, too! This morning, I messaged his boyfriend about it.
I was a little afraid to message the profile directly in case it really was him, but I felt like someone should know. He confirmed they are indeed stolen photos and we had a good laugh about it, but despite me reporting this profile for rude messages and for fake photos, and tweeting at POF about the issue, his profile is still up.
However, this whole situation has been a reminder of a larger issue: I will start by saying that I am aware that I am a heterosexual, cisgendered, middle-class, American-born, white woman. I am fully aware of this. And I understand that some of them are unpopular. In an old blog that I no longer have the domain for but can still be found online, I wrote a post in about the importance of speaking or writing your truth.
I try to live up to that, even on challenging topics. And on many of the things I speak about racism, classism, etc. However, while this was something I was used to in general, the idea of connecting these issues to a dating site is a whole new world to me. Last time I was on dating sites was several years ago; I was less politically aware and it was a different political climate. This time around, my views are stronger and better-informed, and the world is a crazier place. The point of a dating site is supposed to be to find people who align with you.
You are supposed to describe yourself, your interests and values, and hope you can find someone who matches them. But I was just existing on the site, rarely even logging in. There is just no need for this. If I am being completely honest, at times it makes me feel hopeless in regards to ever meeting someone. I am not saying I expect everyone to align with me, but I am saying that I wish people who disagreed with me on these things would just move past my profile.
I get the deck is already stacked against me. But to not even be able to SEARCH for this person without getting messages about my looks, my weight, my intelligence, random slurs, etc. It truly wears you down after awhile. I sometimes wonder if maybe I am just not meant to date seriously. I know I very well may be, but I have also considered the fact that I may not. At the very least, it would be nice to be able to look for potential boyfriends without being constantly harassed and insulted for my views.
I usually like my posts to have some kind of punchy conclusion sentence or paragraph, but I am at a loss for this one. I guess sometimes all you can say is T.