For many single parents , casual dating can be frustrating and annoying. Looking for a new partner, however, can be downright frightening. In fact many single parents who are gun shy after divorce go in one of two directions. They either convince themselves they are better off not going beyond getting their feet wet at best or they deny and minimize their fears, which can lead to making reckless plunges.
Well, the chronically painful realities of divorce that involve children may be likened to having a chronic and debilitating illness like arthritis. The evolution and stabilization of split off family units do not come about without mourning obsolete family units and coping with individual and systemic growing pains. Have you endured all the discouragement you can take in one paragraph? Good, now I can resurrect your hopes for a happier outcome the second time around with my dating tips for single parents.
The thematic threat that holds my recommendations together is the adage: Most relationships destined to end when the blooms of infatuation fades are likely to end in the first six months. The faster we move the shorter they tend to be as human beings never measure up to our fantasies of them. It takes a history of consistent contacts, continuity of conversations and emotional connecting to build authentic, reliable and sustainable relationships. Rome was not built in a day. Neither are loving relationships.
We begin to put into focus the outlines of the people we have been pursuing as three dimensional people as distinct and separate from needs gratifying objects. What is especially important to consider as attachments deepen is what roles from early childhood will your partners feel compelled to re-live and pressure you to re-live with them.
Unless of course, they own these issues as their problems and are actively working them through. I urge all of you out there to consider staying out of bed as long as is possible and to do your best not to lavish your dates with expressions of infatuation which may be confused by both of you with expressions of love. Infatuations are by nature, deceptive. The ocean may look very inviting however, if there is an undertow you simply must refrain from getting in to deep until it subsides.
When you process these interactions with your date is your reality in the same ballpark as his? Just keep in mind as you go through the process what kind of stepparent your love interest might be to your kids. If you reflect on any portions of this article I believe you will be much better prepared to avoid major pitfalls of dating the second time around.