Ask any guy what's on his sex bucket list, and a threesome is likely the first bullet point. And if he's been lucky enough to already have one, the line item probably reads, "Have another threesome. I mean sure, there are some practicalities involved. For instance, you need to find a third willing partner that your partner is also down with. And of course, there's the art of making sure that no one feels too left out during the act.
So how do you go about having one of your own? Thanks to dating sites and apps , finding a third has gone from just hoping that you meet a willing partner at the bar to having a whole pool of potential thirds to choose from.
But once you find that special number three, what now? Do you invite her over to your place? What if you meet in person, and you decide it's not the right fit? See what I did there?
To make sure all parties involved have the best threesome experience ever, we've put together a handy guide to help you get there. From how to facilitate one, things to always avoid, and even how to act after it's all over, here's everything you need to know about inviting a guest star into the sack with you. Should You Do It? Your body's saying let's go. And so is your partner. But under what circumstances if any should you avoid going through with it?
According to relationship expert April Masini , don't do it unless you're OK with it meaning endgame for you and your partner. In the Good in Bed Guide to 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex , authors discuss how to gauge whether or not this scenario is actually something that your partner is OK with.
For example, can you two discuss other sexual topics openly and without embarrassment? If so, things are probably going to go a lot more smoothly. Start off by enjoying the concept of a threesome as a sexy secret fantasy between the two of you. Does she show a spark of interest in the real thing? Has this conversation come from the two of you genuinely being intrigued by trying something new in bed together?
Or is it because the two of you are in a "rut? Especially if you're in said relationship "rut," bringing a third person into the bedroom can mean that your partner ends up choosing that guest star over you. Sometimes threesomes turn into twosomes, by subtracting one of you. Threesomes crack the door to opportunity. Here's how to do it: Finding A Third Obviously, whoever you ask to be your guest star is going to play a crucial role in whether or not this threesome is a solid experience.
So with that being said, you and your partner will need to choose wisely. Get on the same page about what type of third you're looking for, and why. Someone You Know There are a few obvious pros and cons to inviting someone you or your partner or both of you are acquainted with. If it's a female friend of yours, be prepared for accusations to fly. Even the most chill woman will likely feel some type of way about you suggesting your supposed "platonic" lady friend to join in on your festivities.
And if even if your lady is the one making the suggestion, it's likely a trap that you're walking right into. Basically, this one's a no-go. It's still a tricky situation if the third she's suggesting happens to be someone that she's friendly with. So you really want to use your best judgment here. Has she ever made an offhanded remark that would insinuate she'd be jealous of this potential third?
For example, have you asked her how her girl's night out was, and her response was to tell you about how every guy at the bar hit on her friend? If so, that's probably a sign that you're going to be accused of liking that friend more than you should once this threesome is over — just like "all the other guys do.
But generally, a third that neither of you know is a safer bet here. A Stranger If you've decided to go the random route, you have two options: Either take your search out to the bar, or go online. The pros of scoping out a third the old fashioned way? You can tell whether or not the three of you have chemistry, and you and your partner can talk things out with each other before approaching the Of course, whether or not the person you're approaching is up for it is a challenge that you wouldn't have to deal with if you were going the app route.
But spending the night out with your partner scoping out someone you'd want to bring home is inherently sexy, and both of you are obviously going to go at it later even if you don't bring someone home. Not a bad deal. It works the exact same way as Tinder does in terms of functionality — meaning you can search by distance, age and gender, and you're only matched if both parties have swiped right on each other. The only difference being, you and your lady share the same profile, and you're looking for a third together.
Meet your potential guest star IRL before committing. Just as with online dating, someone can seem like a perfect match via text and photos, but a lot can be lacking when you meet up face to face — whether there's just no chemistry, or the pictures from their profile were a bit misleading.
Plus, you'll probably want to vet this person before inviting them into your home. Another Dude I'm going to let you in on a little secret here: Women fantasize about having threesomes , too. Listen, we totally know that it's a tough ask. And seriously, you guys really don't even need to do anything to each other during it.
As long as both of you are down to be naked in front of each other, and give us all of the attention until we finish, we're completely happy. But if your partner asks for this and you're not comfortable, don't force yourself into it. Seriously, she'll know, and that'll just ruin the whole thing. Not having a threesome is much better than having an unenthusiastic one.
Plus, if you're the jealous type, watching some other guy with your partner is probably not for you. Before The Threesome So, you've found your third person. In order to make sure everything else goes off without a hitch, it's time to set some ground rules, and figure out a game plan. An easy first step should be to figure out where you're having it.
If you and your partner are most comfortable having it happen at your place, talk about where in your home or apartment the action is going to go down.
Maybe your partner would prefer that you guys keep it out of your personal room, and instead utilize the couch or spare room you have. Or maybe you want to start things off with a steamy group shower, and move from there.
The more logistics you can nail down, the more seamless the whole thing will go. Not sexy, but necessary: Ask that the person joining you get tested for STDs. In fact, it might not be a bad move for all of you to schedule a screening, just so that everyone involved feels good about moving forward. Now would also be an ideal time to talk about protection. Does your third have a condom preference?
Maybe a latex allergy? Get clear on your course of action for protecting yourselves, and schedule that STD test immediately. As for your game plan? Have an open discussion with your partner about what her expectations are for this experience. Points to include should be what she's comfortable doing with your third, and what she's comfortable with you doing to the guest as well. For example, is she OK with you penetrating the guest? With going down on the guest?
What is she willing to do to your third, or have done to her by the third? Consider coming up with a safe word between the two of you — something that your guest wouldn't pick up on, but that you immediately understand to mean that your partner is uncomfortable with what you're doing, and wants you to stop — without her having to look like the one who's stopping the good time.
Remember that you're walking more of a fine line whenever you experiment and try something new, so never push too far. Most women want to be familiar with their partner before they'll try something very new.
If this is her first threesome, that's already a big deal. You don't want to push her to go down on the other woman just because you'd like to see it. The same goes for sex toys , which might seem more taboo to some people than a threesome.
You're going to have sex with two women and all three of you have your own rules and limits, so understanding and respecting one another's comfort levels should be a top priority when you're establishing your threesome rules. Make sure all three of you are clear on what's OK and what's off-limits before things get underway. During The Threesome You've done the research and the prep work, and now it's time to seal the deal.
Here are a few best practices for a threesome that's hot and mind blowing — sans awkwardness. If both women are very shy, you might be waiting quite a while for them to make moves. But if it's possible, letting the women initiate things will make them feel more comfortable, because they'll feel in control of the situation. Plus, this method will likely go over better with your partner than if you were to jump into touching both of them off the bat.
Let them get acquainted, and join once they pull you in. You may end up feeling ignored — and should do your best to get over it.