Great job, big house, pool. Better-looking than Bill Gates. I ran "Revenge of the Nerds" without the swimming pool, and got one response.
With the pool I got fifteen responses. Now I know what women want. I made a mistake running the following personal ad: Italian suits, cowboy boots. I'd thought that country songs were made up.
I thought that the women in the songs weren't real. Then they all called me. I wrote this personal ad for two dogs that needed a home: One blonde, other brunette.
Enjoy long walks on the beach, convertible cars, and heavy petting. Both have four paws and adorable floppy ears. An alternative newspaper rejected the following personal ad: The Damned, Killing Joke, Bach organ fugues.
This will date me, but I remember when alternative newspapers didn't have decency standards. Less than one in online personal ad users finds a partner. This is partly because many people write poor ads, and then place them in the wrong venues. The right ad in the right venue can work. Conversation Starters[ edit ] Write your personal ad around conversation starters.
Imagine that an individual approaches you at a party. Write out a conversation about yourself that fascinates this person. Now condense your responses into two or three sentences. Imagine saying each sentence to a stranger. What would the person say in response? If you can't imagine a meaningful response, take out the sentence. Now highlight every bragging point. I then added "with junk cars in the yard. Then run it through a grammar checker in Microsoft Word, the grammar checker is under "Tools".
Now look in your Yellow Pages under "Editorial Services. Spelling and grammar errors make you look lazy and stupid. A polished, professional-sounding ad makes you look thirty IQ points smarter. If you're in a big city, especially in the north or west, describe your looks and your money in your personal ad.
In small cities, especially in the southeast, emphasize emotions and hobbies. At first this feels like going to the Humane Society to pick out a puppy She was a waitress, so maybe a rude customer didn't leave her a tip. That's justifiable homicide, right? I've read hundreds of personal ads from incarcerated women. Not one mentioned her crime, or anything about prison.
The women instead describe themselves as enjoying long walks on the beach, romantic evenings by the fireplace, etc.
Hiding something unattractive about yourself might increase the number of responses to your personal ad, but these relationships will end-fast-when the individuals discover the truth.
Potential partners will see you as having a bad character in addition to having an unattractive feature. Present your best qualities, but also disclose your unattractive features. Present your unattractive features positively, as a conversation starter.
This leads to asking about the crime, what prison has taught her, etc. You could talk to her for hours. Disclose an unattractive feature in a way that shows your good character. Showing that you have a good character will make people love you.
People will then ignore your unattractive features. Ironically, pointing out your faults makes your faults less visible, while hiding your faults makes them more visible. Select the Right Venue[ edit ] A magazine writer had less-than-great experiences with several big online dating websites. The 'zine didn't usually have personal ads i.
The result was 60 e-mails and "lots of" dates with interesting women. A big online dating service or a big local newspaper. Buy a month's membership. If you don't get dates within a month, cancel your membership and try another website.
A few big corporations own many personal ad websites, e. Specialized online dating services, e. The best directory I've found of these websites is the Open Directory Project, dmoz: Ask, beg, and offer a large pile of cash to the website to run your personal ad as a special feature. Suggest that the website run two personal ads one man, one woman on Valentine's Day, that they auction the ads on eBay, and that they use the "event" for promotional publicity.
Feedback Ratings[ edit ] Select an online dating service that has feedback ratings. The only one I know of is http: On eBay, buyers and sellers leave each other positive, neutral, or negative feedbacks. When you get ten positive feedbacks, eBay puts a gold star next to your name. Buyers and sellers know at a glance that you're trustworthy.
If they want to be sure, they can read each comment written about you. If personal ad websites had feedback, you could select only individuals with a gold star. Then you could skip the ads and go straight to the reviews. Other personal ad websites have surreptitious e-mail newsletters reviewing dates. These newsletters are only shared by women, and say only bad things about men. Checkboxes and Ideal Partners[ edit ] I've had some pretty funny experiences with married couples.
For the most part they don't match well at all. At one event this woman was berating her husband for having answered the questions wrong. He said, "Yes, dear, yes, dear. This might work for finding friends, but we're hardwired for sexual attraction to our opposites see " Pheromones " and " Similarity and Dissimilarity ".
Your computer was right. Mitzi and I like all the same things: There was only one thing we didn't like-each other. We feel passion for individuals who reflect hidden elements of our personalities see "Adolescent Relationships-Anima and Animus," page You can't describe such a partner, because you can't see the hidden parts of yourself.
Listing intolerable qualities is also useless. Ask potential mates whether they lie. Everyone will say that they never lie. Or smoking is intolerable to you. You might reject an individual who wants to quit, but needs a supportive partner. A better way to describe your ideal partner is to list your favorite celebrities and why you like them.
Photos[ edit ] Always provide a photo. Not providing a photo won't make people think that you have a beautiful mind. Spend the money for a professional portrait. Provide additional photos in different environments. Provide a full-body photo as well as a head shot. Lastly, correct the brightness, contrast, and color balance.
If you don't know how to do this, pay a camera dealer or Kinko's to prepare high-quality digital files. Responding to Personal Ads[ edit ] Women should respond to men's ads. If you wait for men to contact you, you'll only hear from the men that no other women want see "Flirting," page A man should place his personal ad in many websites and publications, until he finds a venue in which women contact him. When responding to an online personal ad, copy your profile and photo into your message.