Share via Email Susan Broom, 48, says she has given up on online dating because men her age wouldn't contact her.
Katherine Rose For The Observer When a divorced woman on "the wrong side of 45 with a brace of kids" began to write about her experiences of being single last week, she opened her blog with the extraordinary statement that she was in "relationship no man's land", condemned to be alone for the rest of her life. A survey this month found eight out of 10 women over 50 think they have become invisible to men.
Seven out of 10 women in the study felt overlooked by the fashion industry, while three-quarters of women in their 60s believed they had lost their identity by being labelled as a "mum". Women and men are living longer and fitter lives; the average age at which we divorce is rising — 41 now for women and 43 for men — and the number of single parents is projected to rise to 1. There is a new demographic of confident and experienced women, at their sexual peak as far as science is concerned, who would like to find a partner.
But life, friendship and love for the single woman in her mids and beyond has its own particular complications and sorrows. Susan Quilliam, a relationships expert and agony aunt, said that some women were suffering "terribly". They are also much more in a rush to get into a new relationship and are much less likely to give someone a second chance, which may seem callous but they are much more likely to fall in love quickly.
For men, it's a case of you fulfil the criteria, let's buy the double duvet. It's a shame men aim for the younger age range because women of 45 and 55 are arguably much more sexually mature and able to give a lot more pleasure than, say, a woman of I am already in a wilderness — maybe [facing] my time again, over 40 years, it's possible, but with no one.
She will, unfortunately, become the recipient of sympathy. At dinner parties divorced men will be placed next to her. Katie Sheppard, the director of relationships at Match. Its research shows that dating is, especially for divorced women, fraught with complication, anxiety and worry.
Looking for second-time love when children are a first priority is a challenge. Nicola Lamond, Netmums spokeswoman and mother, said: Single parents describe themselves as lonely, isolated, vulnerable and worthless. There is a real sense their world has shrunk.
But nor does everyone feel that they will find love on the web. Susan Broom is a bubbly woman with a ready laugh who is 48, single, and has now given up actively looking for a man, certainly online, and is not afraid to admit that she does feel the sadness of that.
I prefer men of my own age. But a lot of those men my age are only looking at women in their 20s or 30s. Because of its 'anything is possible', 'sweet-shop' appeal, online dating just encourages men to cherry-pick their ideal — usually younger — mate. Which is depressing if you're a woman of a certain age.
An unhappy pattern for plus women who want a new partner. It's an invisible band of women, they don't complain and they just get on with their lives, but actually it's tough for them. It's hard to meet people, especially in London. I'd like to try to set something up for the single people in my area, I know they are out there. A physical event where people actually meet instead of everybody finding online dating a bit of a letdown and just staying home feeling sorry for themselves.
So it's tough because you also have to get out there and find a new bunch of female mates too, and, of course, they end up being younger than you, and then you worry about going out with them and they'll be getting chatted up and you won't! And in a real way — not just in a 'singledom rocks' way. Because quite often it really doesn't. They have proved themselves, they are good at what they do and at the top of their game. And they will have got where they are in their careers by juggling far fewer balls on the way up.
Reaching my 50s was an unsettling time, and I felt that my romantic life was over. She is on a mission to help women to tackle their something love drought by doing what men do — going younger. Macmillan, 49, has set up toyboywarehouse. Younger men are nowadays desperate to meet older women, she claims, and she has more men than women looking for love on her site. Our battle is to change women's mindset and get women to believe that there are younger men who want what they are, experienced, strong-willed, confident.
Men in their mids slow down, women are dynamic and full of energy. We need to match that energy. We have a lot of happy matches.