By Judith Silverstein, Michael Lasky The Internet is a strange place, and what seems abnormal for in-person experiences is completely common on the Internet. Notice that the word is common, not polite or considerate.
You need to know how to dish out rejection in an appropriate way. As with real life, you must do it quickly — and with a modicum of kindness, if possible. Granted, for some people, a more heavy-handed approach is necessary. In general, give a rejection firmly. Each one requires its own special finesse. This article points out the major ways to do so in specific situations. After receiving the very first e-mail from someone Say that you get an e-mail from someone, and you can tell immediately that you have no interest in communicating with that person.
Here are the Internet-appropriate ways to say no: Just delete the message. On some sites, the person knowsthat you received his or her e-mail and read it. On some sites, the person also knows that you deleted it. If the person persists, use the blocking feature on your e-mail system. And for the record, the inappropriate ways to say no include Deleting without opening.
Again if this e-mail is the first communication from a prospect, read it. The person spent the time to write it, so take the few seconds to read it. If your online system informs the user that their e-mail was deleted unopened, that is a big, and unnecessary, rebuff. If the first inquiry was polite, you have no reason to take out the big guns so early. Best of luck in your search. Block him or her if necessary. And for the record, the inappropriate actions are Poofing — just breaking off the conversation in mid-stream and logging off.
Would you hang up the phone in mid-conversation if you got bored? Responding with anger or obscenities, even if some were directed at you. Sending a pornographic photo for shock value.
Regarding the third action, no stranger is worth any emotional investment on your part, especially negative ones. And regarding the porno action, sending pornographic material can be construed as harassment and get you into a heap of legal trouble.
They are unlikely to go postal on you, but some people are sufficiently sick to do some serious libel and slander. He is [insert issue here]. The appropriate actions to take include End the phone conversation noncommittally. This method has the advantage of moving your correspondent to e-mail and away from the phone, as a method of contact. And for the record, avoid these inappropriate actions: Ending the conversation on a positive note, with no intention of continuing the exchanges.
Hanging up the phone in mid-sentence. They chewed through the line again. He or she will just call you back. When you start exchanging messages, the fantasies grow. Spotting these people is tough because they seem so genuine and enthusiastic. You have to accept the bad guy or girl role unless you want to create an even angrier person out of your former prospect.
The following line is pretty darn effective but only use it as a last resort: From then on, your approach is no reply, no comment, no nothing. Your safety is paramount. The pay sites have a serious interest in protecting their customers and maintaining good public relations. If you do call for help, supply actual e-mails or other data giving the supporting facts.
Remember that nothing is ever completely erased on the Internet, so made-up abuse is pretty easy to expose. And if you report inappropriately, the site will monitor your mail. If a former prospect is dogging you, but not seriously enough to report him or her as an abuse, on some sites, you can search in Invisible or Stealth mode.
Note that at Match.