Being gay makes this all the more challenging. After meeting in December, it seemed all was right. However, he has a lot of damage from an ex. Part of me feels like I owe it to him to wait because I don't want to pass this one by. However, waiting is also something I'm not good at. We've had a heart-to-heart where he clearly wants to be more with me when he's ready. I want more with him when he's ready.
I also am worried about meeting someone along the way, while I wait. What do you think? Should I wait or move on? Now, bear in mind this is just one man's opinion, and an old-fashioned man at that. I am aware that many people these days okay, yes, millennials, I'm looking at you, a bit seem content to lurk in the grey area between "hanging out" and "hooking up," who love to pay late-night visits to their "friends with benefits" on the booty-call side of town, and, even while on a first date with someone, are swiping through apps on their phones looking for fresh prospects.
But I don't like the sounds of any of it! I would go so far as to say I don't believe in it. When, after wandering lonely as a cloud in the wilderness of singledom, you finally spot someone you're interested in — when, as they say in the military, "the target has been acquired" — knock back a glass of chardonnay, or better a shot of tequila, and cha-a-a-rge! Go strong to the hoop, in other words. To mix sports metaphors: How else are you going to punch above your weight?
I went strong to the hoop, and notoriously punched above my weight — to the point where people will come up to my wife with me standing right there and say, their faces alight with "sociological interest": I'll tell you one thing, though: I was never in any doubt he was interested in me.
In your case, I get no real sense of momentum or exclusivity — or even interest, particularly. Where is his fear of losing you, for example, of letting you slip through his fingers because of his ambivalence and wishy-washiness?
You have to make that call. But sounds to me like he's stringing you along. If he were really into you, I can't help but feel he would set aside all his "haunted" and "damaged" feelings and allow you, Dr. Love, to heal him with the power of your affection. That's what I'd do. After all, what's better for healing a broken heart than a fresh relationship? Story continues below advertisement I think what you need to do here is: By "throw down," I mean tell him, in no uncertain terms, how you feel.
I don't mean to put words in your mouth, but maybe something like: I figure you're either into me or you're not. If you are, I really think we should make this happen — and sooner rather than later. If not, the only right thing to do is cut me loose so I can find someone who is. And then back off, by which I mean stop pursuing him and "being there" for him and go out and find someone who will take one look at you and say: Maybe" may come after you.
That's human nature for some people. By which time, of course, you might be happily unavailable. But that's the risk he's taking, and I think deep down, he knows that. Are you in a sticky situation? Send your dilemmas to damage globeandmail. Please keep your submissions to words and include a daytime contact number so we can follow up with any queries.