Dating A Japanese Woman: I adore his writing style. I first came to Japan in , and started studying Japanese shortly thereafter. I moved here permanently in , at which point I gave up eating cheeseburgers, wearing wrinkled t-shirts, and speaking English. This has had some mixed results, but at least my wardrobe looks fantastic and my cholesterol level is nice and low.
I spend a tremendous amount of time asking Japanese people, in Japanese, what they think about Japan, love, sex, foreigners, language, and everything else under the sun. This seems to elicit very different results than speaking in English. What I see often seems unlike the Japan depicted in books and on the net, and sometimes I wonder, What country are these people talking about? Because actually no matter what you say or do, a certain number of them will pretend to like you.
Like so many interactions in Japan, things often start off promising, only to become vastly more complicated before hot dog hits bun, so to speak. First of all, understand that very few Japanese women are interested in dating men of other races. Overcoming the racial stereotypes and just being treated as a normal person is a big barrier. Then, consider what most women want in a partner: Driving a sweet Mercedes through the middle of Shibuya. Oh, you ride a basket bike?
Chicks dig a guy with the ability to smuggle ET to safety. A job with a future? Or are you just going to peace out back to Canada and live with your mom after a couple of years? How will you raise a family? Can you even read? What woman would settle for an illiterate man with no money and little social standing? A woman with few other options, apparently. If you get married, or have kids, you can pretty much kiss your ass goodbye. Case in point, I ran in my buddy Tim-Bob the other day, having beers in a gaijin bar.
I call him Tim-Bob, because the first time we met, I thought his name was Tim, and the second time I thought his name was Robert. Hey, is it my fault Tim-Bob slurs terribly?
Must be all that beer. Anyway, Tim-Bob was halfway into his fourth drink and onto a familiar lamentation about his Japanese wife. Ken Seeroi, master of putting a positive spin on things since Well obviously that sucks, so it makes more sense for her to stay at home and take care of the house and kids. That means you can forget about breezing home at five, ordering an extra-large pizza, putting your feet up, and watching TV.
What is this, the Philippines? No, you either have to stay at the office until midnight, or come home and get busy. The entire society functions in this way. Imada-san holds down two jobs. Takeda-san raises all the vegetables for his family. Will your salary be sufficient? Sure, for about six months. Then the money troubles will start.
So after you finish tilling the earth, you better head off to teach a weekends-worth of corporate classes. Now think about a typical Japanese woman. Identical in every way — not exactly fountains of energy and interesting conversation, if you know what I mean. Be sure to make lots of jokes and entertain him. Gotta quit eating this extra-large pizza while I type. Like I was on a date with this Japanese girl — this was a couple of years ago — and we went to a Mexican restaurant.
They have really good fish tacos. You know, I have a pretty checkered past, and I really needed to refer to my daily planner, just to be sure. That seemed to disappoint her. Which is a shame, because I was kind of into that whole witch thing. Then a few months later, I met a Japanese girl in a club in Roppongi.
She was short and cute, and as the night progressed we ended up outside, walking down the street. Anyway, at what seemed to be the perfect moment, I swept her into a parking garage and we started making out against a concrete wall. That seemed to be the right answer, and we abandoned playing pool in favor of her apartment, which really made me regret not answering the witch question differently.
Are all the women in this country mental? I mean, really, have some timing. If you want a vivacious woman who takes an active role in lovemaking then, I dunno, maybe go to Brazil or something, but definitely not Japan. Granted, there are a few good-looking foreign dudes with pretty Japanese girls, but overall, attractive, successful foreign men do far better in their home countries. Or anywhere, for that matter. Anyway, hot dog bun.
You know, I initially believed Japanese women were wild about foreign men. Thanks a lot for hyping that wisdom, internet.
Outside of Irish bars, international parties and the like, in the society at large — and I hate to say this, but well — foreigners are not highly regarded in Japan, including by Japanese women.
Foreigners occupy a space similar to that of gays in America: Meet my new bride: Ok, let me add a couple of disclaimers here. Women have very real constraints and concerns in this society.
And like women anywhere, they can be controlling, angry, and vindictive if you screw up. Do not screw up. Trust me on this. They want a house, kids, and a husband who brings home a paycheck. Also, take this article with a whole bucket of salt.