Intimidating father in law. MODERATORS.



Intimidating father in law

Intimidating father in law

Do you have any suggestions? Sincerely, Craving Communication Dear Craving, I would have given a different answer twenty years ago than I will today. However, some life experiences with a wonderful variety of loved ones have led me to conclude that everyone is a package. We all have idiosyncrasies, habits, and proclivities—some of which are the source of our genius and some of which drive everyone around us batty. And sometimes, the genius and the quirkiness flow from the exact same attribute.

I say this as prelude because, while I will advise you to hold a crucial conversation, I will also encourage you to work on yourself first. Clarify your motives before even attempting the conversation. If instead your goal is to share feedback then accept his freedom to accommodate or ignore it, you will not only come across entirely differently i. Ironically, if your motive is to control, you not only fail to gain control, but you lose your influence. If you give up trying to control others, you gain influence in the bargain.

With that said, here is some advice about how to hold the conversation itself. Hold the right conversation. Often, we fail at the outset because we dive into the wrong topic. For example, we talk about content—what just happened—when we want to talk about a pattern—something that happens regularly. This could happen in your case because you address something your father-in-law just said to you when your real issue is a pattern of these sorts of comments over time.

Your goal needs to be to have a pattern conversation. And that calls for a special approach. We wait for yet another instance of someone behaving badly then we pounce on it; not to address what just happened, but to dump our laundry list of grievances from ages past.

If you want to talk about a pattern, pick a time that is not clouded with a recent transgression. It not only helps you be in a proper mindset, but it helps avoid giving the other person an opportunity to make excuses about the pattern by pointing to special issues in the present instance.

You have all the right information in your question to create safety at the beginning of this conversation. You clearly care about your father-in-law. I admire you, sometimes to the point of feeling intimidated around you.

One of the best ways to ensure others feel safe is to sincerely ask for permission before launching into the crucial conversation. If your father-in-law might be uncomfortable with this level of communication, it is all the more important to help him feel in control by asking his consent before launching into your concerns.

Judging from your description, it may be that your father-in-law will be too uncomfortable to have this conversation face-to-face. If that is the case, you may want to try mixed media. If not, then I understand and will be fine keeping things the way they are now. Be sure you have or your words will ring hollow. I hope these ideas help.

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Intimidating father in law

Do you have any suggestions? Sincerely, Craving Communication Dear Craving, I would have given a different answer twenty years ago than I will today.

However, some life experiences with a wonderful variety of loved ones have led me to conclude that everyone is a package. We all have idiosyncrasies, habits, and proclivities—some of which are the source of our genius and some of which drive everyone around us batty. And sometimes, the genius and the quirkiness flow from the exact same attribute.

I say this as prelude because, while I will advise you to hold a crucial conversation, I will also encourage you to work on yourself first. Clarify your motives before even attempting the conversation.

If instead your goal is to share feedback then accept his freedom to accommodate or ignore it, you will not only come across entirely differently i. Ironically, if your motive is to control, you not only fail to gain control, but you lose your influence. If you give up trying to control others, you gain influence in the bargain. With that said, here is some advice about how to hold the conversation itself.

Hold the right conversation. Often, we fail at the outset because we dive into the wrong topic. For example, we talk about content—what just happened—when we want to talk about a pattern—something that happens regularly. This could happen in your case because you address something your father-in-law just said to you when your real issue is a pattern of these sorts of comments over time.

Your goal needs to be to have a pattern conversation. And that calls for a special approach. We wait for yet another instance of someone behaving badly then we pounce on it; not to address what just happened, but to dump our laundry list of grievances from ages past.

If you want to talk about a pattern, pick a time that is not clouded with a recent transgression. It not only helps you be in a proper mindset, but it helps avoid giving the other person an opportunity to make excuses about the pattern by pointing to special issues in the present instance.

You have all the right information in your question to create safety at the beginning of this conversation.

You clearly care about your father-in-law. I admire you, sometimes to the point of feeling intimidated around you. One of the best ways to ensure others feel safe is to sincerely ask for permission before launching into the crucial conversation. If your father-in-law might be uncomfortable with this level of communication, it is all the more important to help him feel in control by asking his consent before launching into your concerns. Judging from your description, it may be that your father-in-law will be too uncomfortable to have this conversation face-to-face.

If that is the case, you may want to try mixed media. If not, then I understand and will be fine keeping things the way they are now. Be sure you have or your words will ring hollow. I hope these ideas help.

Intimidating father in law

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