Im married and dating someone else. Dear Jennifer: I'm married but obsessed with another woman.



Im married and dating someone else

Im married and dating someone else

Share via Email 'If I had known 10 years ago that I would be doing this, I would have been disapproving. Lydia Goldblatt for the Guardian I didn't embark on an extramarital affair lightly. I've tried everything to improve our relationship. We make love only twice a year. His excuse has always been the same: Broaching the subject with him doesn't work as he isn't comfortable revealing his feelings. I even tried sitting on the sofa in a sexy nightie to greet him when he came home, but he just apologised for not feeling up to it and I ended up feeling humiliated and rejected.

There was only so much I could do and I didn't want to leave him. We both have children from previous relationships but none together. Mine still live with me but they're teenagers who have their own lives, so I have plenty of free time. I added my details, just to test the water, and soon got lots of responses. It's very easy to spot the dodgy men. I could tell that some men were creeping out of the marital bed in the night, judging by the time the emails were sent.

I met half a dozen men over the next few months and slept with three of them. At first, we would meet for coffee. You don't waste time that way — you can tell instantly if there's any chemistry and you can quickly make your excuses if there isn't. Once I took one look at the man through the cafe window and didn't go in. Alternatively, one man I found very attractive couldn't meet when I could — I think his wife was suspicious, so we couldn't take things further. The first couple of times I had sex, I felt a bit guilty.

I do know what it's like to be cheated on — it happened to me during a previous relationship and it's not nice. But I carried on and learned to disconnect from the emotional side. If I saw a wedding ring, I didn't let it put me off. In bed, my dates sometimes suffered from performance anxiety, due to guilt and nerves, probably.

Then a year ago I met someone whom I decided to see regularly, and I stopped using the website. We book into a posh hotel once a month for the afternoon and also meet for coffee or a night out. The sex is fantastic — uninhibited and adventurous. It's not kind to compare but he can keep going for hours as opposed to the 10 minutes with my husband. He also makes me feel attractive and desirable. I'm flattered by the attention. It stays fresh because we always see the best side of each other — no boring discussions about the electricity bill or rows about whose turn it is to take the bins out.

And no morning breath because we've never fallen asleep together. The anticipation of meeting him is exciting but it's not like falling in love. I have to be strict, to not let myself develop an emotional connection with him. When I come home afterwards, my husband is usually still at work, so he doesn't even know to ask where I've been. I'm sure he doesn't suspect a thing. I'm very careful not to leave any clues and always meet far from our home so I won't be spotted.

What he doesn't know can't hurt him. I dearly hope he won't find out, though, as I don't want to lose him and the impact on the children would be terrible. If I had to stop seeing my current man, I wouldn't go back on the website. Instead I would have to think long and hard about my relationship at home. Do you have an experience to share?

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Im married and dating someone else

Share via Email 'If I had known 10 years ago that I would be doing this, I would have been disapproving. Lydia Goldblatt for the Guardian I didn't embark on an extramarital affair lightly. I've tried everything to improve our relationship. We make love only twice a year. His excuse has always been the same: Broaching the subject with him doesn't work as he isn't comfortable revealing his feelings.

I even tried sitting on the sofa in a sexy nightie to greet him when he came home, but he just apologised for not feeling up to it and I ended up feeling humiliated and rejected. There was only so much I could do and I didn't want to leave him.

We both have children from previous relationships but none together. Mine still live with me but they're teenagers who have their own lives, so I have plenty of free time. I added my details, just to test the water, and soon got lots of responses. It's very easy to spot the dodgy men. I could tell that some men were creeping out of the marital bed in the night, judging by the time the emails were sent.

I met half a dozen men over the next few months and slept with three of them. At first, we would meet for coffee. You don't waste time that way — you can tell instantly if there's any chemistry and you can quickly make your excuses if there isn't. Once I took one look at the man through the cafe window and didn't go in. Alternatively, one man I found very attractive couldn't meet when I could — I think his wife was suspicious, so we couldn't take things further.

The first couple of times I had sex, I felt a bit guilty. I do know what it's like to be cheated on — it happened to me during a previous relationship and it's not nice. But I carried on and learned to disconnect from the emotional side. If I saw a wedding ring, I didn't let it put me off. In bed, my dates sometimes suffered from performance anxiety, due to guilt and nerves, probably. Then a year ago I met someone whom I decided to see regularly, and I stopped using the website.

We book into a posh hotel once a month for the afternoon and also meet for coffee or a night out. The sex is fantastic — uninhibited and adventurous. It's not kind to compare but he can keep going for hours as opposed to the 10 minutes with my husband. He also makes me feel attractive and desirable. I'm flattered by the attention. It stays fresh because we always see the best side of each other — no boring discussions about the electricity bill or rows about whose turn it is to take the bins out.

And no morning breath because we've never fallen asleep together. The anticipation of meeting him is exciting but it's not like falling in love. I have to be strict, to not let myself develop an emotional connection with him.

When I come home afterwards, my husband is usually still at work, so he doesn't even know to ask where I've been. I'm sure he doesn't suspect a thing. I'm very careful not to leave any clues and always meet far from our home so I won't be spotted.

What he doesn't know can't hurt him. I dearly hope he won't find out, though, as I don't want to lose him and the impact on the children would be terrible. If I had to stop seeing my current man, I wouldn't go back on the website.

Instead I would have to think long and hard about my relationship at home. Do you have an experience to share?

Im married and dating someone else

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1 Comments

  1. Of course, desiring a mongamous relationship doesn't need justification, but neither does a desire for any other type of relationship including not being in a relationship at all, as Bella DePaulo emphasizes on her Living Single blog. This may be true with some resources like time or money, but not as obviously true with respect to affection; after all, parents can have more than one child without loving any of them less, so why can't a person romantically love more than one person? Then a year ago I met someone whom I decided to see regularly, and I stopped using the website.

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