BlockedUnblock FollowFollowing Writer, mother, lover, friend. Purveyor of hilarious jokes. I love cats, I love books, and I love hard. This is a story about real love. Ryan has been my best friend for a year and three months. We met online, on a dating website called OkStupid.
Urrgh… I mean OkCupid. Neither of us were having any success until we met each other. We immediately bonded over sobriety and what a lonely life it can be.
We went out for coffee and it went to the friend zone before the first sip. Ryan was very nervous. I melted inside because I love that. However, I was too scared to tell him I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship two months ago. What I was doing on OkCupid was desperately seeking a companion, not a lover.
No sex or love or commitment, you know, that messy stuff that involves my heart. I think know that he knew I was too damaged at the time to be in a relationship. By a stroke of luck I did not deserve because I had misrepresented myself online, he has given me a year, two months, and 25 days of a type of patience I do not possess.
Ryan has become my very best friend who I would die for. After a decade of his commitment for a woman he loved, she burned him with the heat of a thousand fires. He would later find out that this succubus had undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, which explained the acid she spewed on his life. Two years later, he met me. Six months into our friendship, I was diagnosed with borderline.
Borderline personality disorder BPD is perhaps the most dreaded diagnosis a psych patient can get. BPD is also known as an emotionally unstable personality disorder, and there are four types: Discouraged co-dependent clingy , Histrionic impulsive, overly dramatic, attention-seeking , Petulant angry, childish, pessimistic , and Self-Destructive deeply troubled with self-hatred.
BPD is refractory to treatment, being that it is a personality disorder induced by emotional trauma, which cannot be treated chemically. Personalities are rigid and fixed and are not chemical imbalances, thus medication will not work.
BPD can only be treated by intense outpatient therapy. It is marked by a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by unstable relationships with other people, unstable sense of self, and unstable emotions.
I have histrionic borderline personality disorder due to childhood trauma, in addition to having bipolar disorder. Man am I an interesting person or what?! How on earth can I be lovable with this shit…but Ryan loves me and has continued to be my best friend. Not once has he ever wavered in his commitment to me. For the first time in my life, I know what real love is.
I am a poor single mother who is perpetually broke. This is inextricably difficult for me to publicly admit. But living with secrets for so long before I was diagnosed just fueled my raging illnesses, so I must speak my truth. This is massively important in order for me to heal and have healthy relationships. During my pre-diagnosis days I embarked on lust-fueled hunts to temporarily ease my emotional pain. This caused me to sleep with any lowlife who walked in front of me.
Ryan knows this, but he loves me any way. He eases my emotional pain just by being near. I think that the not having sex is what has made me love him so deeply.
He just wants me: He still loves me, even after all of that. This is real love. I easily cry when I think about my life before I got help. Ryan has never judged me. In fact, he gave us the most endearing nicknames on the planet: Ox for him because he is big and protective. Bird for me becasue I am tiny and bird-like.
I squawk a lot and am prone to hopping around neurotically. We are a good pair, Ox and Bird. Thank you kindly for reading my work. I appreciate it with everything that I am. Follow me on Twitter!