During our first week of college in our all-freshmen dorm, I was grabbed by a small group of people going from door to door, inviting people to come get lunch with us. Jack, too, was brought into the group and joined for the trip to the dining hall. My first impression was nice, but nothing spectacular. I was so wrong. By the time Jack and I graduated college, we were best friends.
We lived together for two years following college, and talked nearly every day while he was out of state for graduate school for the two years after that. I met Q there in the summer of , and we hit it off quickly.
From the start, I talked a fair amount about Jack because despite the distance, we were very close friends. They started exchanging silly snapchats and never stopped. The two of them met briefly at a party I had in the winter and started texting more after that.
When Jack moved in with me again in summer , we quickly sunk into a routine of the three of us hanging out. Both Jack and Q supported me after my two surgeries and helped me make the transition back into working full-time.
From when Jack moved back in with me, I could tell that he had strong chemistry with Q. The same emotional steadiness that appealed to me in Jack as a best friend also manifested in Q, and they appreciated finding someone else who approached the world similarly.
When the three of us spent time together, it rarely felt like Jack was the third wheel even though Q and I were dating. This winter, Q told me that xe was developing romantic feelings for Jack. I was a little bit nervous, but I told Q that I loved both of them and wanted them to be happy.
About a month later, Q finally talked with Jack about it and they both discovered they felt the same way. Then with little fanfare just a cute picture on Facebook and a few coy statuses , they began dating. Things changed, but not as drastically as others might think. Perhaps counterintuitively, the fact that Q is dating my best friend actually lessens most of the challenges I have with jealousy.
The three of us are all very close, so we spend time together as a trio more often than not. At least twice a week, the three of us spend the evening together. After dinner, we watch Netflix, color in our adult coloring books, listen to music, play video games, or go on a walk. Often we end up cooking a second time in one night since our love for each other is closely followed by our love for brownies.
The logistics are remarkably simple. Q sleeps with Jack some nights and me other nights. They both stay up late together, and I get to cuddle Q in the morning since Jack leaves earliest for work. That said, despite some myths about polyamorous relationships, the three of us never have sex together and probably never will. We do however get some great threeway cuddling. We have had a few tough spots in these first few months. Just a couple of weeks ago, I got into an argument with both of them because I was texting Q too much while xe was out with Jack.
Fortunately, our dedication to talking things through has really paid off. I know some people make triads work, but it just never clicked for me. I think in our case, it helps that we each have strong, independent relationships.
Jack and I have been close friends with a nonsexual relationship for many years. My best friend and my partner dating has been a delightfully anticlimactic event.