I a white guy dating a black girl. On Being Black, 'Woke' And Dating White People.



I a white guy dating a black girl

I a white guy dating a black girl

LinkedIn I walked down the cereal aisle in the grocery store, determined to finish my shopping list. As I skimmed my eyes across the rows of boxes, I landed on what I was looking for: I turned around and saw a handsome black man waiting patiently, with a cart full of groceries and a warm smile that briefly invigorated my tired spirit after a long day of work.

He was wearing a professional outfit, leather dress shoes and a brown wool houndstooth coat with the collar popped. I smiled and apologized for holding him up. This encounter was nothing unusual; I frequently have similar encounters with strangers at the grocery store. But sometimes, like when I encounter a well-dressed family man with a mutual love for certain breakfast cereals, I wonder if I am failing my people.

After all, 50 years ago in many states it was still illegal for us to marry anyone who was not also black. The gravity of that is not lost on me. As a young girl and even throughout college, I was frequently annoyed when my peers would suggest that I would magically find a partner if I exclusively pursued black men.

White guys will never love you like black guys, they would say. Even when I have expressed romantic interest in black guys, it has always been a futile effort. My experiences date back as early as middle school, when I was infatuated with a black classmate for three years. That all came to a screeching halt when he, fully aware of my crush on him, teased me in front of my friends at my 13th birthday party. I was 19 the first time a man of colour actually expressed halfhearted interest in me; he was a biracial friend who repeatedly asked me out and then repeatedly forced me to pay for these dates.

Meanwhile, throughout high school and college, the few black men I knew found my blackness as subpar to theirs. I was criticized for my preppy wardrobe and my music tastes, and on more than one occasion I was accused of wanting to be white.

I could love my skin and also love Britney Spears and country music. As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men. If I waited for a black guy who liked me to apparate out of thin air, I would have waited a decade. Black guys have more easily understood my gripes about my hair or institutional injustice.

My best match so far has been a blue-eyed engineer with perfect teeth. More important than his looks are his kind heart and gentle spirit.

He teaches me about German beer and soccer chants; I familiarize him with my Caribbean culture and Jamaican cuisine. Still, at times I feel ashamed for dating outside my race. I am an ally to my people, but I have not connected with them in the deepest way possible — romantic love. How can I support the advancement of black people if I have never let down my walls for a black man myself? Is it okay to Google your date before you meet them? That day in the grocery store, I stood in the checkout line behind that handsome black man with the Rice Krispies.

He was now joined by a small toddler and a very pregnant wife. His wife and I caught eyes, and I flashed her a smile. I am not dating a black man, and I feel less guilty about it each day. Sometimes the smallest of encounters remind me that love should not be bound by rules, and definitely not by race.

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When A Brown Girl Dates A White Guy ft. Navpreet Banga



I a white guy dating a black girl

LinkedIn I walked down the cereal aisle in the grocery store, determined to finish my shopping list. As I skimmed my eyes across the rows of boxes, I landed on what I was looking for: I turned around and saw a handsome black man waiting patiently, with a cart full of groceries and a warm smile that briefly invigorated my tired spirit after a long day of work.

He was wearing a professional outfit, leather dress shoes and a brown wool houndstooth coat with the collar popped.

I smiled and apologized for holding him up. This encounter was nothing unusual; I frequently have similar encounters with strangers at the grocery store. But sometimes, like when I encounter a well-dressed family man with a mutual love for certain breakfast cereals, I wonder if I am failing my people. After all, 50 years ago in many states it was still illegal for us to marry anyone who was not also black.

The gravity of that is not lost on me. As a young girl and even throughout college, I was frequently annoyed when my peers would suggest that I would magically find a partner if I exclusively pursued black men. White guys will never love you like black guys, they would say. Even when I have expressed romantic interest in black guys, it has always been a futile effort. My experiences date back as early as middle school, when I was infatuated with a black classmate for three years.

That all came to a screeching halt when he, fully aware of my crush on him, teased me in front of my friends at my 13th birthday party. I was 19 the first time a man of colour actually expressed halfhearted interest in me; he was a biracial friend who repeatedly asked me out and then repeatedly forced me to pay for these dates.

Meanwhile, throughout high school and college, the few black men I knew found my blackness as subpar to theirs. I was criticized for my preppy wardrobe and my music tastes, and on more than one occasion I was accused of wanting to be white. I could love my skin and also love Britney Spears and country music. As a black woman, I wanted to be seen as attractive to more than just black men.

If I waited for a black guy who liked me to apparate out of thin air, I would have waited a decade. Black guys have more easily understood my gripes about my hair or institutional injustice.

My best match so far has been a blue-eyed engineer with perfect teeth. More important than his looks are his kind heart and gentle spirit.

He teaches me about German beer and soccer chants; I familiarize him with my Caribbean culture and Jamaican cuisine. Still, at times I feel ashamed for dating outside my race. I am an ally to my people, but I have not connected with them in the deepest way possible — romantic love. How can I support the advancement of black people if I have never let down my walls for a black man myself? Is it okay to Google your date before you meet them? That day in the grocery store, I stood in the checkout line behind that handsome black man with the Rice Krispies.

He was now joined by a small toddler and a very pregnant wife. His wife and I caught eyes, and I flashed her a smile. I am not dating a black man, and I feel less guilty about it each day. Sometimes the smallest of encounters remind me that love should not be bound by rules, and definitely not by race.

I a white guy dating a black girl

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5 Comments

  1. As a young girl and even throughout college, I was frequently annoyed when my peers would suggest that I would magically find a partner if I exclusively pursued black men. You might also like: Sense of humor, height, freckles, muscles, taste in movies — all of these are valid preferences.

  2. It is neither advantageous or disadvantageous to date outside of your race, or class, or within your gender. However, racism manifests itself in a myriad of ways , from systematic and institutional inequality, to prejudices and microaggressions.

  3. I was 19 the first time a man of colour actually expressed halfhearted interest in me; he was a biracial friend who repeatedly asked me out and then repeatedly forced me to pay for these dates. Racist stereotypes of black women being brash and loud — diametrically opposed to the stereotypes of white women — further serve to paint them as less attractive and desirable.

  4. This encounter was nothing unusual; I frequently have similar encounters with strangers at the grocery store.

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