What happens when we swipe on a coworker? How forward is too forward? What do you do when you run into someone at the bar who you earlier ghosted on OkCupid? But while the technology may have changed, the fundamental issues of dating and relationships have barely budged since the age of dowries. Plenty of pre-Tinder minds have applied their literary genius to the problem of love, and their wisdom still applies.
Nin, a French author who split her time between France and New York City, contributed to literature through her short stories and personal diaries published in the s through the s some posthumously. They are refreshingly open and honest looks at erotica and female sexuality, and worth reflecting on if your mental real estate has a healthy portion around the state of sex today. When I first read Nin I was amazed at how I kept forgetting that she was writing from a completely different time.
It would be even better if you were sucking my dick. But there is a hierarchy: Without body language and physical chemistry to rely on, the imagination needs to work double time. Luckily, you can find some Ninspiration here too.
Her erotica was controversial when published, but today we can look to her lyrical prose as a model: Naked now, he lay his full length over her.
She enjoyed his weight on her, enjoyed being crushed under his body. She wanted him soldered to her, from mouth to feet. Shivers passed through her body.
Luckily, you can find some Ninspiration here. The best case scenario for your effort will echo this sentiment: He did not need to. His presence had affected me in such a way that I felt as if he had caressed me for a long time. Smash false dichotomies Part of why Nin was so controversial during her time is because she challenged people to rethink the heteronormative and patriarchal principles forced upon her.
This is most present when reading Henry and June, her published diary that documents her relationships with Henry and June Miller while she was married to her first husband, Hugo. Rather than wait for his pleasure, I would like to take it, to run wild.
Is it that which pushes me into lesbianism? Do women act thus? Does June go to Henry when she wants him? Does she mount him? Does she wait for him? He guides my inexperienced hands. It is like a forest fire, to be with him. New places of my body are aroused and burnt.
I leave him in an unquenchable fever. We are taught all these dichotomies, and I only learned later that they could work in harmony. All while balancing her marriage to Hugo. While she was navigating the complex dynamics between Henry, June, and Hugo, she also had to navigate her own complex emotions. I need two lives. I am two beings. When I return to Hugo in the evening, to the peace and warmth of the house, I return with deep contentment, as if this was the only condition for me.
Our love lives, because I live. I sustain and feed it. I am loyal to it, in my own way, which cannot be his way. If he ever reads these lines, he must believe me. I am writing calmly, lucidly while waiting for him to come home, as one waits for the chosen lover, the eternal one. And I found out that every guy wants to get with a famous dead poetelectricliterature. That women did not have their own life. She brought in the intimacy, she brought in the personal.
You will make mistakes. And they are right too. Time and time again, she so clearly articulated how being afraid to make mistakes holds us back romantically: It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. Embracing our inner Nin is freeing not only for ourselves, but for the folks we try to court and for the wider dating pool. I hope the next time you find yourself swiping you think of Nin, and open up your mind, your heart, and your inner eroticist.