Is online dating a good idea? If so, which site should I choose? March 24, 8: I'm pretty busy with school that it keeps me from meeting people I like.
Therefore, I've considered doing online dating but I'm a little concerned about catfish and people who just want to hookups. For those of you who have experience with online dating, does online dating have a good pool of people who look for a serious relationship?
If so, are paid sites like eHarmony or match. Thank you for your response! I get the sense that what you get out of online dating varies substantially from place to place. This includes both which sites you want to be on; what the online dating "culture" is; and who has it better in terms of men vs. In any event, I have done some online dating in New York, as both a year-old and a year-old.
Here is some fairly standard advice: Yes, many people on online dating sites are looking for serious relationships! Even on sites with more of a "hookup" vibe. I have been to three weddings of people who met on OkCupid in the past two years. I also met my current SO on OkCupid over two years ago. Online dating can be a good idea but it is certainly not a fast-track path to meeting people. It takes a lot of time see below. If you're feeling constrained by your social circle, it is definitely worth it.
As for what site to go on, go to the ones that have the people you want to meet. I am willing to bet at least some of your friends do online dating? What sites are they on? Those are the ones you should be on. Similarly, a lot of people find it awkward when they run across exes' profiles on online dating sites, and it certainly is, but it's also a good sign, since it means that people who you want to date or at least did at one time use the site you're on.
Don't dismiss sites for being free -- the argument that OkCupid makes, and I think it's a good one, is that paid sites want to keep you paying for as long as possible so they make it more alluring to explore but harder to actually meet someone. For instance, they'll show you lots of super attractive people who definitely won't message you back. In theory, at least. Expect to go on lots of first dates.
You may not be used to going on lots of first dates that don't go anywhere, but that's because if you meet people in real life, you know if you have at least some chemistry with them before having gone on ANY dates! But online, your first date is the only chance you have. So don't invest too much until you meet someone. That also means it is worth meeting people in person sooner rather than later. Since you will go on lots of first dates, try to make them fun.
Don't put a lot of pressure on, that will only make you miserable. Instead, why not suggest activities you like to do anyway! Ones that are in public, of course. Coffee shop or bar you've been meaning to check out?
Neighborhood you've wanted to visit for a while? This may be a good excuse to try some of those things out. You are a woman I'm assuming? You are under NO obligation to respond to all or even most of the messages you receive.
Only message people back if you are actually interested in potentially meeting them. Most people in your age group, I am led to understand, are on Tinder. I don't think you should dismiss this out of hand. I am a man, so I am very much not the authority on this; that said, based on what I have heard from female friends, I want to explain a little more why I think you shouldn't worry too much about this.
There are many women online, too, who are looking for hookups, or who are at least willing to have one-night stands if the opportunity presents itself.
If you make it clear that this isn't you -- mainly by not getting physical for at least the first few dates, and by communicating what you want -- the people who aren't looking for a relationship will invest their energy elsewhere. What's in it for them to put in all this effort pestering you when there are so many other people out there looking for the same thing as they are?
Of course, it is still scary to be meeting a stranger from the Internet in person. Make sure that you meet them for the first time in a public place and don't keep seeing them if you don't trust them. Past that, you will just have to trust your judgment; even the people you meet offline could be creepy, since sadly there aren't any guarantees in this area of life.
I recommend "lurking" on a site at first: Create a profile, but only include the minimum information and no picture. This will minimize the people who will contact you, which will give you a bit of breathing room.
Then look around a bit. Do you find a lot of guys you'd be interested in learning more about in your area? Do most of the guys seem to be looking for a LTR or a hookup? How well are you able to discern their personality and preferences from their profile?
Check out several sites, then stick with the one or two you feel most comfortable with. Just get comfortable knowing how to sort through the profiles and find ones you are interested in. Then you can go back in and add more information and a picture to your profile. I agree that meeting someone before you become highly invested is a good idea, but I don't think you need to limit yourself strictly to people in your area.
I married a man from 2, miles away from where I lived and it worked just fine. We visited each other at our homes in both places after about six months of online and talking on the phone, spent a lot of time talking about what we each wanted our future to look like, and we found we were in agreement on where we wanted to live. The perfect guy could be out there looking for you - good luck, enjoy and have fun! Me, I found the effort to reward ratio wasn't there.
I met my partner five years ago while volunteering together. It worked well for us because we already had a shared activity. It's just that I'd rather invest that time in being out and about. Because that works for me. But again, if you'd rather be online, there a ton of people who are also online and who are nice everyday people! More than a ton! I tried most of the available sites back when I was looking and have a few lessons learned that may or may not be useful to you.
Best sites in my experience were Match and OKCupid. They had this really irritating "guided communication" process that was supposedly going to handhold you through meeting someone, but mostly just got in the way.
There's also a free site called Plenty of Fish that might be worth a look. There was a lot of overlap - I wasn't the only person on more than one site, but they also seemed to have their own sort of personalities and broad demographics that tended to clump there. Paid site, so people willing to pay when there are free alternatives available.
White collar, educated, perhaps in their 30s - slightly older than Free site, very well put together. Seemed to attract a somewhat younger crowd than Match, like tech savvy urban sophisticates in their 20s. Paid site, Christians and other wholesome types. People who weren't put off by that infuriating guided communications business. I have no idea Less educated, maybe a little older. Regardless of which site s you choose, my big lesson was that the ability to flirt and have fun chatting back and forth has no bearing whatsoever on whether you'll click in person.
So don't spend much time messaging back and forth. A few messages to make sure they don't give off a " Debbie who loves cats " vibe. Beyond that, you're wasting your time and quite possibly creating an imaginary person on the other end, who isn't going to really be the person you're falling for when you finally meet them.
And again, yes, there are good people out there who want something real. Their match algorithm is scarily good, with the caveat that you have to put effort into answer questions 'correctly' - skip questions liberally if they seem ambiguous or badly worded or whatever, check ALL of the answers you'd find acceptable not just the absolute best answer sometimes there really is just one acceptable answer of course , make sure to answer questions from every category don't be shy about the sex ones!
However I do have friends who do date men and still have similarly great experiences. And on the other hand I know a lot of people who don't have good experiences, there is certainly some element of luck involved! And the people you really want to date might just not be on the site, after all posted by lisp witch at Not worth the money, hard to find actual people who respond, sketchy company who will try to screw you with auto-renews and add-ons.
Seemed to have a bunch of people looking for hookups, few for actual relationships. I recommend avoiding this! Seemed to be fairly legitimate, although you can't just browse, you have to take what they give you.
Site seems to skew heavily towards older-than-you-are-now, Christian, ready-to-get-married-now people.