Figuring out ways to meet new people, knowing the right things to say, and deciphering the best methods to impress a potential mate can be confusing and overwhelming.
While I count myself lucky that I haven't been on the market for several years I swear I'm not rubbing it in , many of my friends have become increasingly frustrated by how difficult dating is, especially after But what makes dating after 30 different from dating in your 20s? Turns out, there's a lot.
I spoke to dating and relationship experts as well as women who are navigating dating after 30 to find out what's so different and how to make it easier.
The dating pool is smaller Shutterstock According to the Pew Research Center , the average age for marriage in the United States in was 27 for women and 29 for men, so by the time we hit 30 a lot of our friends and potential mates are already in committed relationships. This means that the dating pool after 30 isn't quite what it used to be. Your goals are different Shutterstock After 30, many experts agree that women are more interested in commitment than ever before.
They expect to discuss living together after nine months of dating and want to get engaged within 18 months," said Dr. Jess O'Reilly , Astroglide's resident sexologist. You did not feel the pressure to start thinking about what city you wanted to end up in and the age by which you wanted to have your first kid," Milrad said.
People discover what they want and start seeking partners who can give it to them. The apps are millennial focused and there is a current 'hookup' movement, which you will be mixed up in on the apps," said certified international dating and relationship Megan Weks. The best way to find out is to ask! She told me that traditional dating apps don't have what she's looking for. Most people go through a re-evaluation of life around early 30s on what they really care about and what they want they want out of life," said Dr.
Wyatt Fisher , a licensed psychologist in Colorado and founder of a niche dating site. Younger women are perceived as more 'fun' with fewer expectations and a more youthful appearance and body. This isn't limited to women so you'll need to ready to deal with some baggage in your own potential partners too, like past relationships and maybe even kids from prior relationships.
Some of these might not have ended amicably, and could have involved being cheated on or feeling violated in another way. This can sometimes lead to fear in a new relationship, and past fears can haunt new relationships," said Candice A. Chances are, if someone else is doing it too, you may have more in common. The 30 somethings tend to do activities they enjoy that offer exposure to other singles like, running groups, art classes or volunteering," said Jaime Bernstein, a senior matchmaker for the professional matchmaking startup Three Day Rule.
It turns out, networking isn't just for finding a new job! The great thing about networking is that even if you don't meet the one, you gain a ton of other benefits like improving your small-talk skills, trying new restaurants, and maybe even doing something you've never done before. Sheyla Ventura, who is a brand coordinator for a dating app in New Zealand thanks to all of her personal experiences with other dating apps, told me that "networking has surprisingly become a thing" adding that when you share things in common, it's easier to find a more compatible person.
Dating app users tend to say that there's a dating app for everyone, and it's true," said Gabriel Rotman, one of the co-creators of Jabo , a dating app designed around doing things specifically with people over 30 in mind. If you're an audiophile, there's an app to meet other audiophiles, and so on. As we get a bit older, what's considered acceptable for both men and women in the dating world changes quite a bit. In your 30s, the men who are hanging around bars may not be the best quality people for long term partnership and many may be struggling with addiction issues ," Ryan told me.
What I mean is that after 30, people are concerned not only about their own money, but the general financial situation and responsibility of potential partners.
April Masini , a relationship and etiquette expert and the author of the Ask April advice column told me this is very important when dating after They aren't always interested in someone who's making big bucks, but they want someone who's honest about their financial profiles.
An entrepreneur with huge debt is sometimes less attractive than a social worker with high credit. And even if it doesn't, you'll be more secure in yourself as an independent woman to get back out there and give it another go with someone else when you're ready.
So join a networking group, download some new apps, and get out there! Your dream partner is waiting.