December 22, at 8: I know he likes me and we are exclusive and he is very affectionate when we are alone. He texts me everyday and we see each other at least twice a week but when I told him recently that I loved him he said I was just infatuated.
He also told me he would attend my daughters concerts and my older daughters birthday party but then backed out. Is he even capable of love or has he been too hurt from his divorce? Why cant you just enjoy your time with him without constantly wondering where this is going?
That will only drive you crazy. And if you no longer like the situation, why not date others? Or simply walk away? Cheers December 22, at 8: I should write a book about this!! I just walked away from someone who has 56, a lovely gentleman and NOT OVER the ex divorced 17 years ago and over focused on his 19 yr old son at university.
Too much baggage, emotional and financial. I think you have to listen carefully on the first few dates and then watch what he does over time. In your case, his behavior indicates he is backing away. The number one thing to remember is: This is the short answer. But it depends on what Dana wants. December 22, at 9: There is no comparison, really.
Your guy sounds a bit cynical as many are at this age and a bit flakey as a result. They say they want to Men vote with their feet. It is bad that he did not show up to events after agreeing to.
Those are actions, not words. That shows either a subconscious undermining of the relationship, or an actual lack of commitment. This does not sound like a bad man, maybe just a man who may not be a good fit. It is not your job to un-gunshy him. Find a man who knows how to use a gun, and has good aim ;-. I like Evan Mark Katz on this. Men within months act like they are investing. If they are not doing that, you need to bounce. They will not come around.
And thinking you will be the exception is a waste of time. Although I understand a lot of what you read is for the younger set, it still applies to the older set too because men and woman are creatures of habit so to speak. Older and younger men are a bit more cautious based on previous experiences. December 22, at He moved pretty quickly to see me, become exclusive but took longer to get to a title.
He is not given to grand gestures, or loud proclamations, but we he is consistent in his contact, follow-through and treats me with love and kindness despite huge financial challenges in his life. Sure, I might like some more sweep you off your feet stuff at times, but then I realize that it is the day to day that butters the bread. It is at least a yellow flag though that he backed out of those events.
Let us know how it goes, I hope it works for you. I am not at issue with the saying love part — that can come. I am at issue with committing to attending things and then backing out.
That is not voting with your feet and it shows he is not investing in getting their lives more entwined. December 22, at 1: I am ok with less sizzle if the steak is there so to speak. My guy is not a gusher like R was.. I would however be upset about the cancelling of plans.
Especially since it was two times for you family stuff. J and I took it slow before meeting each others kids, but he has never cancelled on me for ANY plans. Men will back off when they know or sense that you are more into them, than they are to you. This is why many men do the fade after about 3 months… This is because most men KNOW this is the time period when a woman usually is wanting to hear LOVE, or to be made the GF or for things to progress to the next level.
I hope things work out in a way you want it to. I would not give him much past 6 months, however. Men are not known to fall in love over time. They do it usually quicker than women do. December 22, at 4: October 28, at Up to that point very in love, seemingly, while having a great marriage and life; I adored her and gave her and my daughter everything I had to give.
To say I was traumatized is very accurate. When all was lost my child and family were all that was left. I now consider marriage a temporary thing in life like other stages of life for example dating, college, marriage, children, and finally divorce or death of partner.
I have everything that someone would want in a partner, but I will stay to myself and stay solo into older age sooner than I thought I would.
We will leave this world solo, and my solo has started early. After all my emotional pieces are put back together I might mix with someone, but they will have to understand that it will be casual, and that any and all of my belongings will go to my daughter. Anyone interested in me will have to be satisfied with just me, the person.
They will need to be complete on their own and meet me as a friend and sometimes companion. I hope I am strong and smart enough to find happiness in myself and not need someone else to complete me. October 29, at 2: You said I love you first and perhaps other things that have happened in the relationship have also made him feel pressured? Young or old, male or female, feeling pressure from someone only stifles any loving feelings from developing.
October 29, at 3: If he is not all over you in the first few months, trying to chase, pursue, being in love, he never will. It is usually the three month mark that is the first breaking point. Even men who were all into a woman may back out or start doubting if she is the one. If love was never there then it is even worse although sometimes it just does not matter.
I think that older men are very difficult due to different reasons from younger men. Older men have a lot of baggage and less courage than younger men. I too date older men and my current BF has had a lot of the same issues, although he was definitely in love with me the first three months, he is also not fully over his divorce 13 years ago and overinvolved with his 19 year old son, there you go Stephanie. When you start hearing from him that he feels pressured, that is a huge turnoff for me, I do not need to pressure anyone into anything, after all we really should be the prize, no?
There are so many men out there who would be willing to treat you like that. It is also totally silly to think that by dating others you would be doing anything wrong and it would just be to show him, you definitely should do so.
This man is not invested in you, so why are you investing where you should not? Did he ask you to invest? I do not think so. I think we have to set our brains to think rationally and be able to see the signs.
I also think that if he is not there now, he never will be. Distancing yourself may help, it is a good idea but on the long run it may not solve the problem. If the guy is not in love with you, it will not help. He may realize that he wants to invest in you and you could be the one but even then things could end up falling back to where they are now once he feels secure enough. In relationships there are power dynamics at play which generally start developing after the first three months.
It is not a good sign that you see this push and pull with him pulling away. Once these dynamics are set, they are really hard to change and you want to see the man being the one doing the pushing, not the pulling.
Remember also that 3 months is a prime time for you to leave if you are not seeing what you want to see. The first three months are there for you to watch and see his actions. He is not the only men. You do not need to chase him. You do not like what you are seeing, the door is open for YOU to leave, you have that option too.
Distancing yourself is also a good idea to see if you really do love him, think the situation over rationally and making sure it is not only attachment and bonding that occurred, which will with just about anyone that you are together with.