A recently-divorced, year-old man recently asked, "I'm so lonely -- what should I do? Meeting them in real life can be hard -- but here's something most somethings don't know: Lots of men in their 50s get divorced and think their next girlfriend is going to be Your next girlfriend isn't going to be If you want it to work out with one of these women, you've got to do more than just ask them out.
You've got to avoid making the four big, dumb mistakes all the other dudes are making. Being bad at dating. Look, I get it: There are some very basic, easy ways to instantly be "better" at dating.
Wear, like, a button-down. Don't wear gross old jeans with holes in them. Show her the same respect. Talking about your ex during the first date. Maybe not the second one, either. Maybe not for a long time after you start dating. That will leave a sour taste in her mouth and make her think you're not ready to date yet. Not paying for the date. If you initiated the date, you should be the one who pays for it. Because, first of all, they won't be.
Second, on the off chance that they are offended by a kind and generous gesture, it's best to avoid them. Do you really want to be with someone who gets offended that easily? That said, it's , so anything could happen. She might insist she pay her own way, or even offer to pay for you. Whatever you're mutually comfortable with is fine.
But keep in mind: The thing is -- it can be super tricky to be authentic and charming when you've got first-date nerves.
Here are a few tips to get you started. Chances are, the next thing you say is going to be a bit of a non-sequitur. I'll say it again: Staying present and truly listening will get you much further than some witty comment. Acknowledge the elephant in the room.
But most of us misattribute what we see. We assume everything is about us. So just tell me! Cognitive reframing is one of the most powerful psychological hacks in the whole world , and most people have no idea it exists. Basically, your brain is terrible at distinguishing fantasy from reality. That will help you get over your nerves, and even treat this person with a surprising amount of warmth.
That will make them like you more, which will make them like you more. It's a beautiful cycle. Don't be a man-child. This is really hard for someone who is both lonely and excited about someone new. Maybe to you, "innocent" touch like holding hands or kissing are ways to show you're interested in someone. Which is why so many women find it uncomfortable when some dude they don't even know starts holding their hand, touching their face, or trying to kiss them.
Of course, every woman is different. There is no algorithm you can memorize to tell you when to kiss her. There is no universal calendar of when to do different kinds of touch. Instead of relying on some bullshit you read on the internet, you need to pay attention and get your own read on the situation.
You don't have to restrain her or surprise her to make the kiss happen. You ask if you may kiss her -- and she says yes. Some men mistakenly believe that "asking will kill the mood. Then she'll say no -- this time. She'll feel super safe and respected with you, which will help solidify your bond. She makes the first move. And it's super sexy when they do.
If she's had a lot to drink, you should ask yourself whether she's really able to give consent right now. Especially if you're hoping to have a long-term thing with her. Kissing her when she's drunk is going to mess up your chances of ever having trust. You have a "moment. Perhaps you've been staring into each other's eyes -- then lips.
Then eyes, then lips. Maybe she's touched the side of your hand with the side of her hand, and now you're holding hands. Parts of your bodies may be touching -- your arms, your legs. Maybe you've even pushed her hair off her face or brushed her cheek with your hand. Your bodies are gravitating towards each other But even then, there's room for misinterpretation. The only way to make sure the kiss is consensual is to: Follow the rule. AFTER you've had a moment, and you're feeling pretty certain this girl wants to kiss you, you can initiate the kiss.
If she wants to kiss you, she will! Before you get tied down, it might be worth checking a few items off your bucket list. So book that flight! Do your thing -- and you just might meet the right woman along the way. Want to know more?