How does an accountant stay out of debt? He learns to act his wage. Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant? She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets. Why do economists exist?
So accountants have someone to laugh at. There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: Because on the box it said Years. What does an accountant say when boarding a train? Do you know where your auditor is? How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at. An accountant on vacation. Why do accountants make good lovers? Be audit you can be. What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him. A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live. For buttering up her clients. Because the only numbers in them are page numbers. Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director?
He burned his office down trying to cook the books. What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p. Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting. Did you hear about the cannibal CPA? She charges an arm and a leg. Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?
Did you hear about the constipated CFO? What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold a road map the wrong way. Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter. Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls. Why do accountants get excited at the weekends?
Because they can wear casual clothes to work. They just lose their balance! Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate. An accountant without the sense of humour. Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant? What do accountants do for fun? Add the telephone book!
An accountant turned inside out. How do accountants make a bold fashion statement? Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey. How does an accountant trash their hotel room? By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card. What is the definition of an insolvency practitioner? Someone who arrives after the battle, bayonets all the wounded, pawns their possessions and charges their time to the relatives.
There are 3 types of accountants. An accountant riding an elephant. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. What do you call an accountant without a calculator? How was copper wire invented? An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy. The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following. The ethics question is do I tell the client? What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
Popular How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no. Go into town and gang-audit someone. Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road? Auditors never actually do the risk assessment well until after the accident happens.
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. How much money do you have? What does CPA stand for? What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form?
The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?
An orderly system for living beyond your means. What did the accountant say when he got a blank check? My deductions have at last caught up with the salary. Did you hear about the shy and retiring accountant? A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Bank reconciliations never do. Working capital does not. Return on investments never will.