Allison Kahler Dating is tough for everyone, but dating as a transgender woman is even harder. Some of my most entertaining stories have come from my dating chronicles, but so have some of my worst. They go as follows: The Unaccepting Guy Profile: This guy is most likely a Republican or comes from a conservative-leaning family. The Encounter We were three dates in, and for first time in years, I was starting to really like someone.
I was leaning against the wall, close enough that I could play with the necklace hidden in his shirt. I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about politics, but as someone who needs to protect themselves from the get-go, I pressed him on his personal views.
He admitted to being financially conservative and otherwise liberal. Oh my god, I have a fear about this happening, you should have told me. I want someone who likes me even more because of the courage I had as a young teen. He is going to go home and think on this and whether you know it or not, you have changed how he views a transgender person—at least, a transgender woman. A few days later, I went on a hike with a dear friend. The Encounter Right after I brushed off the conservative guy, in walked another dreamboat.
After meeting twice, we went on what was supposed to be a quick coffee and hiking date. Instead, our effortless connection led to a two-hour breakfast, long hike, and two-hour dinner in one day. At some point during our hike, he expressed that he was extremely attracted to me, and in some ways scared to like me. He told me he was trying his hardest to restrain himself from kissing me for a few reasons.
He asked my permission to take a day to think about us moving forward. After much thought, our conversation for closure came down to two things: His mother and friends would accept me, but his Serbian father never would; and he was afraid of experiencing me sexually. The Takeaway With this type of guy, I tend to go into education mode and talk about the normalcy of my hand-crafted vulva. This leads to man number three. This guy either has a fetish for trans women, prefers them over cis women i.
After almost two months of playing coy, we finally went on a date. We decided to act like a couple for the evening, holding hands on the sidewalk and over dinner.
During our night together, we had one of our deep conversations. His friend invited over two prostitute friends of theirs, and those two girls each brought another sex-worker friend, one of whom was a pre-operative trans woman, whom he proceeded to have sex with while high on heroine. Situations like this turn me off.
In part, my instant reduction of attraction towards this guy stems from skepticism about why they want to pursue things with a trans woman. When I transitioned, transgenderism was not discussed in mainstream media, and men attracted to trans women were either ill-intentioned, harmful, or ostracized. Unless you feel compatible with this type of kinky partner, please do not feel the need to entertain their sexual desires or their objectification.
This brings me to the ideal man.