Quit being a baby! I bet the farm you have. In fact, I can imagine it's a fairly high percentage. You are not alone. If men were "allowed" to openly discuss their pain, I believe the shame attached to feeling emotion would decrease immensely! Ladies, it is time for us to stop this madness not only for our partners and the state of our romantic unions, but for the children we are bringing up. It's time for us to shift the outdated perception of: Unhealed wounds in either party is the number one cause of divorce.
Behind any disempowered behavior is an unhealed wound. This is not a gender specific issue; this is a human being issue. Your man's heart is as big as yours. He loves as deeply as anyone else and he can be hurt just as easily by the words and behaviors of others.
Just because he isn't publically displaying it does not mean it's not there. Bring me any man's unsavory behavior and I will find the unhealed wound behind it. I was recently in a yoga studio that had this quote on the wall: When I read that quote I knew I was going to write an article to back it up. What I hear in these words is that a loving, good woman has the capacity to serve as the gateway to a man's healing and becoming if she chooses to see him as imperfect and fallible, but lovable nonetheless.
I believe we must understand that men are not put into our lives to save us. As a couple, we are put into one another's lives to save each other!
A Course in Miracles speaks of the difference between a Holy Relationship and a special relationship. The Holy Relationship is one where both parties equally show up to help one another heal their fears and pain while supporting their growth opportunities and potential. A special relationship is based on what we can "get" from our partner. The question is "What can I get from you? What is does mean is men and women achieve far greater success and achievement when they are supported by a loving, compassionate partner.
Like any human being on this planet, we all need a soft place to fall. As depicted in movies like Braveheart and , the "hero" had a strong, loving woman supporting him who allowed him to break down and cry on her breast. She didn't judge him, she supported him. She stepped up to meet his heart and offered her love. The truth ladies is this, men are not going to say, "Hold me! Your man does not need more negativity, shame or stigmas attached to him.
He needs your kindness, love, security and tenderness. Love heals all wounds. Ego, fear, control and manipulation perpetuates them. The next time you feel compelled to attach a perceived persona to your man and then feel terribly disappointed when he falls short, I invite you to ask yourself this: How can I better support him right now? Don't be discouraged if your new course of action doesn't work right away.
If you have a backstory of non-support, he most likely won't trust your motive. Instead learn to see the soul inside your man. Learn to understand his hidden emotions and act from this new perspective. Teach him that you are trustworthy of holding his innermost feelings and fears sacred. Provide a solid place for him to open his heart to you. He may try to push you away or tell you he's fine or doesn't need your help, but I implore you to keep on keepin' on.
After all you are dealing with a societal norm. This doesn't mean become pushy or smothering to him. It means teach him over time that you have his back. That he can trust you like no other person on this planet.
That you see both his strengths and his weaknesses and you love him just the same. For more information on Kristen or to contact her for personal coaching, please visit her website at: