Dating a person with tbi. Starting or Nourishing Romantic Relationships After Brain Injury.



Dating a person with tbi

Dating a person with tbi

He was one of the hardest workers I had ever met, and had a wild side. One of the first times we hung out, he put me on the back of his motorcycle, tore down the road, and popped a wheelie with me behind. I was immediately hooked. I supported him, and told him I would follow him after I graduated next semester. In March on Friday the 13, Derrick totaled his car. It had just started raining, and eye witnesses said that they saw him race down a very bumpy road, going close to mph, catch air and crash into a telephone pole.

He was lucky that those witnesses saw him, because they pulled him out of the car just in time before the car caught fire. There is nothing and I mean nothing, that can prepare you to see the person you love in a coma. I flew up the next morning, walked into his hospital room and immediately broke down. I stayed up north for as long as I could, and sat by his side everyday.

Every few hours the nurses would come in and take him off of his sedatives and painkillers, and ask him to open his eyes or wiggle his toes. For those four days that I was up there, he never once opened his eyes or wiggled his toes. After my time was up and I had to fly back, I told his mom I would call her every night for an update, and I did. After two weeks, Derrick finally woke up.

He was still pretty sedated and out of it but his eyes were open and he was looking around. Talking to his mom every night was my sanity, but it was still so hard being away. Was he wondering where I was? Did he even remember me? As Derrick got better, his friends would post things on Facebook about his recovery. He squeezed it and looked into my eyes! This girl, that I had never met, never even heard of was sitting in a hospital room with my boyfriend, in the spot that I should have been in.

I think that jealousy is a wasted emotion, but that hurt me so much. I should have been there. His mother said I could move in with them, and help with Derrick, while I looked for a job and a place to live.

I packed up my apartment and drove a foot moving van by myself from South Carolina to Maryland. A week later, I flew back and drove my car and dog up. Things went smoothly, for a while. We had the same sense of humor, watched the same shows and of course we both rode horses!

I felt very comfortable in their home and helped out where I could. His father was incredibly shy, and I think he felt a bit awkward having me there. But I tried to stay out of his way and make our encounters as least awkward as possible. Derrick was out of the hospital, walking and talking and eating like normal.

He would get confused easily, and he forgot how to do basic things like wash the dishes. His actions reminded me of a dementia patient, easily frustrated and constantly confused. Something about his eyes were different. He just looked different, like someone else.

He remembered me when I first moved in, but eventually he started to forget things about our relationship. He basically forgot our entire relationship. Even the way he kissed me was different. Then he started thinking that I was his cousin Sara, and would argue with me about it. He said that Chelsea was his ex girlfriend from South Carolina and she was a bitch.

This went on and off for about two weeks until he finally remembered that I was, in fact, his girlfriend Chelsea. Then he started messaging other girls. He would text them, when I was sitting right next to him, and say how he missed them and wanted to see them.

He unblocked his ex on Facebook, and started creeping her on other social media. Mind you, before his accident Derrick absolutely positively hated this woman. He never in a thousand years would have messaged her anything like this. I eventually messaged her and explained to her what was going on. I lived with them for two months. I had applied to a job on a horse farm, even before I had moved, and was surprised to get an email asking if I was still interested.

They ended up offering me the position and I was ecstatic! I would be able to support myself and my animal babies and I would be doing what I love to do!

I trusted her and wanted her input on how to tell him. The only thing she said to me was that Derrick was going to be upset. She never congratulated me on the job, or told me what a great opportunity it was. So when I told Derrick, I was prepared for him to be angry. But he was beyond angry. He accused me of just wanting to leave him.

He said that I just wanted to find a new guy and I was going to cheat on him. I was incredibly upset. I had done everything for him. I supported him when he wanted to move from South Carolina to Maryland. I packed and moved all by myself to be with him. What more did I have to do to show him I loved him?

The next few days were a roller coaster. Derrick was angry with me and wanted nothing to do with me. The worst part was that his brain injury made him dwell on things. You made me feel this way. Or this hurt my feelings in this way. This is how you can fix it. When your boyfriend has a brain injury, there is no back and forth discussion.

His feelings are the only feelings he can mentally register. The first night I had told him, the entire family went out to dinner and left without saying a word to me. I walked out of the room to take my dog out, to an empty and dark house. The next day I confronted his parents and begged for them to understand how I had to take care of myself. Did they really expect me to live in their house forever? I told his mom that he could come up on weekends and stay with me, and that I could come back to visit.

You would have thought that I had been the one driving that Z, by the way they were treating me. I made arrangements for my friend to pick up my horse, and I was going to stay with my aunt until I started work.

When I told Derrick I was really leaving, his attitude changed. He became sweet and sorry for his actions. I invited Derrick to stay with me and he said yes. Right before we left, I went to tell his mom the plan. I guess all of the feelings she had been bottling up inside, and letting out in passive aggressive ways, were bubbling to the surface now in very aggressive ways. How I was just going to hurt Derrick. I told her it could work, and that I had even planned on coming back down next weekend.

She shot me the most horrible look and said no. I asked her what she wanted me to do, should I just stop talking to him? I wiped my tears, and nodded and Derrick and I went to dinner before I dropped him back off at home. I said goodbye and told him I would see him soon. The next day I came to feed my horse and retrieve a few more things I had forgotten from the house. When I walked up to the front door, my things were on the porch. Was she really serious? Did she think I was going to rob them or something?

I had lived with them for two months, and had a key, what did I do to make them think I was a horrible person? After about a week of staying with my aunt, Derrick began texting me. He said that he missed me and that he had been in an accident. We Facetimed and he told me about his accident and showed me his scars. He asked me where I was living and what I was doing.

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Dating a person with tbi

He was one of the hardest workers I had ever met, and had a wild side. One of the first times we hung out, he put me on the back of his motorcycle, tore down the road, and popped a wheelie with me behind. I was immediately hooked. I supported him, and told him I would follow him after I graduated next semester. In March on Friday the 13, Derrick totaled his car.

It had just started raining, and eye witnesses said that they saw him race down a very bumpy road, going close to mph, catch air and crash into a telephone pole. He was lucky that those witnesses saw him, because they pulled him out of the car just in time before the car caught fire. There is nothing and I mean nothing, that can prepare you to see the person you love in a coma.

I flew up the next morning, walked into his hospital room and immediately broke down. I stayed up north for as long as I could, and sat by his side everyday. Every few hours the nurses would come in and take him off of his sedatives and painkillers, and ask him to open his eyes or wiggle his toes. For those four days that I was up there, he never once opened his eyes or wiggled his toes.

After my time was up and I had to fly back, I told his mom I would call her every night for an update, and I did. After two weeks, Derrick finally woke up. He was still pretty sedated and out of it but his eyes were open and he was looking around. Talking to his mom every night was my sanity, but it was still so hard being away. Was he wondering where I was? Did he even remember me? As Derrick got better, his friends would post things on Facebook about his recovery.

He squeezed it and looked into my eyes! This girl, that I had never met, never even heard of was sitting in a hospital room with my boyfriend, in the spot that I should have been in. I think that jealousy is a wasted emotion, but that hurt me so much. I should have been there. His mother said I could move in with them, and help with Derrick, while I looked for a job and a place to live.

I packed up my apartment and drove a foot moving van by myself from South Carolina to Maryland. A week later, I flew back and drove my car and dog up. Things went smoothly, for a while. We had the same sense of humor, watched the same shows and of course we both rode horses! I felt very comfortable in their home and helped out where I could.

His father was incredibly shy, and I think he felt a bit awkward having me there. But I tried to stay out of his way and make our encounters as least awkward as possible.

Derrick was out of the hospital, walking and talking and eating like normal. He would get confused easily, and he forgot how to do basic things like wash the dishes. His actions reminded me of a dementia patient, easily frustrated and constantly confused. Something about his eyes were different.

He just looked different, like someone else. He remembered me when I first moved in, but eventually he started to forget things about our relationship. He basically forgot our entire relationship. Even the way he kissed me was different. Then he started thinking that I was his cousin Sara, and would argue with me about it. He said that Chelsea was his ex girlfriend from South Carolina and she was a bitch. This went on and off for about two weeks until he finally remembered that I was, in fact, his girlfriend Chelsea.

Then he started messaging other girls. He would text them, when I was sitting right next to him, and say how he missed them and wanted to see them. He unblocked his ex on Facebook, and started creeping her on other social media. Mind you, before his accident Derrick absolutely positively hated this woman. He never in a thousand years would have messaged her anything like this. I eventually messaged her and explained to her what was going on. I lived with them for two months.

I had applied to a job on a horse farm, even before I had moved, and was surprised to get an email asking if I was still interested. They ended up offering me the position and I was ecstatic! I would be able to support myself and my animal babies and I would be doing what I love to do! I trusted her and wanted her input on how to tell him.

The only thing she said to me was that Derrick was going to be upset. She never congratulated me on the job, or told me what a great opportunity it was. So when I told Derrick, I was prepared for him to be angry. But he was beyond angry. He accused me of just wanting to leave him. He said that I just wanted to find a new guy and I was going to cheat on him. I was incredibly upset. I had done everything for him.

I supported him when he wanted to move from South Carolina to Maryland. I packed and moved all by myself to be with him. What more did I have to do to show him I loved him?

The next few days were a roller coaster. Derrick was angry with me and wanted nothing to do with me. The worst part was that his brain injury made him dwell on things. You made me feel this way.

Or this hurt my feelings in this way. This is how you can fix it. When your boyfriend has a brain injury, there is no back and forth discussion. His feelings are the only feelings he can mentally register. The first night I had told him, the entire family went out to dinner and left without saying a word to me.

I walked out of the room to take my dog out, to an empty and dark house. The next day I confronted his parents and begged for them to understand how I had to take care of myself. Did they really expect me to live in their house forever? I told his mom that he could come up on weekends and stay with me, and that I could come back to visit.

You would have thought that I had been the one driving that Z, by the way they were treating me. I made arrangements for my friend to pick up my horse, and I was going to stay with my aunt until I started work. When I told Derrick I was really leaving, his attitude changed. He became sweet and sorry for his actions. I invited Derrick to stay with me and he said yes. Right before we left, I went to tell his mom the plan. I guess all of the feelings she had been bottling up inside, and letting out in passive aggressive ways, were bubbling to the surface now in very aggressive ways.

How I was just going to hurt Derrick. I told her it could work, and that I had even planned on coming back down next weekend. She shot me the most horrible look and said no. I asked her what she wanted me to do, should I just stop talking to him? I wiped my tears, and nodded and Derrick and I went to dinner before I dropped him back off at home.

I said goodbye and told him I would see him soon. The next day I came to feed my horse and retrieve a few more things I had forgotten from the house.

When I walked up to the front door, my things were on the porch. Was she really serious? Did she think I was going to rob them or something? I had lived with them for two months, and had a key, what did I do to make them think I was a horrible person? After about a week of staying with my aunt, Derrick began texting me. He said that he missed me and that he had been in an accident. We Facetimed and he told me about his accident and showed me his scars. He asked me where I was living and what I was doing.

Dating a person with tbi

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