The odds are not in your favor. Should you bother then? Well, I do know several happy couples who met in a bar. Random encounters are the fourth most common way that married couples meet after school, work, and friends of friends. Going out to bars with friends in hopes of meeting someone new deserves a place in the rotation. There are many more effective ways of meeting someone you might actually want to date. Sure, you can have a fun night just hanging out with the girls.
Most women who go out drinking with their friends are not really expecting to meet Mr. But they are always alert to the possibility. People in bars are generally in the mood for fun and relaxation. Add a little liquid courage to promote fun and decrease inhibition, and who knows what can happen! Getting out and learning to approach strangers, signal attraction, and engage in conversation, i.
Why are bars generally a terrible place to meet someone? People go there to get wasted and crazy. Guys are looking to blow off steam and have fun, not hold auditions for the mother of their future children. Especially in large cities, bars see a lot of turnover. There are a lot of men who go to bars in search of casual hookups. In fact, a guy who might be great in a relationship is probably not looking for a girlfriend in a bar. There are a lot of women who go to bars in search of casual hookups.
Girls Gone Wild who like to dance on the table and pull up their shirts for attention congregate in bars. You may even happen upon some chick giving a guy a BJ in the ladies room. In a very real sense, these beauties are your competition for the night. How do you meet a good man in a bar? Regardless of whether going out to bars makes sense as a way of meeting new men, most singles do it, so you might as well maximize your opportunities of meeting a good guy.
What does that entail? Choose the bar carefully. If you live in a place with a varied bar scene, then you know that different bars have different vibes and different crowds. Faneuil Hall has a bunch of rowdy bars where people are routinely kicked out for fighting and being blackout drunk.
Allston is where the hipsters hang. Tons of guys hang out in the bars near Fenway. Dress to send a message about who you are. Signal by your mode of dress what your intentions are for the evening. The rule of thumb I suggest that women follow is: The 1 of 3 Rule says that you may highlight one awesome body part when you go out. In other words, no tight miniskirts with a skimpy shirt. Have you got great legs? Good for you, wear mile high heels and show them off.
But pair that mini with a high neckline. Practice the art of subtlety. Men looking to get laid like sexually aggressive women for obvious reasons. Andrew Trees, in his book Decoding Love, lays out a nice summary of what the research shows about getting men to approach. What is surprising is the amount of encouragement men need before risking an approach. I know one young woman who swears by the practice of staring at a guy until he approaches.
Be aware of body language, and use it. Most of the communication of sexual attraction is non-verbal, at least initially. What you say with your body speaks volumes about how you feel. The top three are: Women who sent more than 35 signals per hour averaged 4 approaches per hour.
Presumably, this is because men often fail to pick up on the signals women send. He describes 5 stages of interaction leading to courtship success: Approach Turn Both members of the couple turn their bodies to face one another. Touch Usually initiated by the female.
Each one of these stages is an escalation point, and attraction should build with each step. Choose a second encounter wisely. None of the stages above should be exceeded at the first meeting. If you like a guy, offer your phone number for use at another time. Why all the strict guidelines? No, this is not about playing hard to get. This is about giving the attraction time to incubate and build before taking it to the next level.
Is he prepared to expend effort to see you again? Notice I said expend effort. It is not appropriate to assume that a man should be willing to spend money on you. If he is generous, you should reciprocate. When searching for a relationship partner, you must be careful to weed out any men who are not available or worthy of a relationship.
You must also be worthy of a relationship yourself. Signaling your willingness to have sex immediately with a man you just met says that you are not particularly selective, so there is nothing special about this man.
Send the right message up front. Be willing to take the initiative with a guy you find attractive. Be merciless in culling players from consideration.