Sure, attractiveness lays a big part of the foundation, but how do you assess someone and find out compatibility and chemistry without conversing? So for that, you need effective first date conversation starters.
What are first date conversation starters? I stared at him blankly and mumbled something about being creative. This is not the way you want a date to go. I actually told this guy that his question was too broad and demonstrated some of the starters below to spice things up a little.
Positive comments and conversation trigger the release of oxytocin in the brain, which makes us feel good and elevates out ability to communicate, collaborate and trust others. And we love being asked to talk positively about ourselves, because self-disclosure produces the same pleasure sensations in the brain as food or money.
Start off with more vanilla first date conversation starters about travel etc. Then work up to deeper ones. To help you out, questions that can be used at the beginning of a date are coloured green. Deeper questions to work up to are red. Anything in-between is orange. What do you look for in a friendship? Learn about personality traits they find important. Find out if they like travelling and what makes them like a place.
What are you most proud of in your life? Find out what they think of as good qualities in themselves. What was the best part of your day today? Learn what small things make them happy. Also learn how they deal with stress during the not-so-perfect parts of the day.
If you could buy a plane ticket to anywhere, where would you choose? Find out what kind of holidays they like and engage their imagination. If there was a zombie apocalypse and we all died tomorrow, what would you do today? Learn about how they prioritize things and how imaginative they are. What is your spirit animal? Find out what kind of personality traits they think they have and have a cute convo about animals and shit. Do you think that you relate to your star sign?
Find out if they believe in horoscopes and about their personality traits. Who is your favourite Disney villain? Better than asking who their favourite Princess is. Do they sympathise with people portrayed as villains and see that good and evil are not simply categorized? Who are three of the most important people in your life?
Learn why they value people. What are you watching on Netflix right now? Find out whether they like Netflix and what kind of things they like watching. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date with you? What is your biggest fear? Find out what makes them feel afraid and be prepared to see a more vulnerable side to them with this first date conversation starter.
How do you like to spend your day? Find out what they prioritize and what daily things make them feel happy. Do you work best in the morning or the evening? Find out about their routine and body clock. Do you keep in touch with people you no longer see regularly? Learn how much they value relationships and loyalty. What did you want to be when you were a child? This will make them think deeply about their life and remember good times, hopes and dreams etc.
You can also learn about their childhood. What is a skill you wish you had? See what skills they already have and what they think would be important. What is your family like? Are you close to your family? See what kind of relations they have and how they interact with them. Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? This is an opportunity for them to air any frustrations and prevent you from making the same mistake. What instrument do you wish you could play?
Find out what kind of music they like, whether they have a sense of rhythm, whether they already play something. Have you ever had a really awkward date? This is a good chance to have a laugh and possibly flirt a bit. What has been the best year of your life so far? This gives them a chance to tell you what kind of events are most memorable and positive to them.
Reflecting on positive things will make them feel happy on the date. What has been the best part of this year? See above — again, reflective. If you were given a lump sum of money to start a business, what kind of business would you start? What does your dream home look like? If you could pursue any career, what would you choose to do?
Find out about their talents and ambitions. What is your Myers Briggs type? Find out what that is here See how compatible they are to you and how they solve problems. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Find out about how they deal with events and communicate. Do you think that money makes the world go round? Find out what value they place on money and what they think of the wider world. When you make decisions, do you rely on feelings or logic? See which they prioritize.
Do you think that robots will take over the world? Just a light-hearted way to see how imaginative they are.
Do you get uncomfortable with untidiness? Learn how organized and tidy they are and whether this may lead to incompatibility. Do you like to plan your actions in advance? Find out how organized they are. If you could buy anything from a designer store, what would you choose? Learn about their sense of style and if they have expensive taste. Finding out how they work in a team will allow you to get an idea of your compatibility.
What is your favourite drink? Find out about their taste with this easy first date conversation starter and possibly order that drink to set a positive tone to the date.
Do you like tattoos? Have you ever read a book that changed the way you thought? Find out if they enjoy reading and how they analyse things they read.
Films evoke deep emotions, so find out why they like certain films. What are you passionate about in life? Learn about their passions, hobbies, interests. What is a great memory of your childhood? Find out what events were memorable and set a positive tone by getting them to reflect on good times. Do you have any regrets in life? Allow them to reflect on your life and check out their honesty and emotional depth. When something bad happens, who do you text first?
Find out about who is important to them.