She's got it easy By Yasmeen Khan Since when did skin shade, religion and the prospect of living with your in-laws become a concern for educated, career women looking for Mr Right? For British Asian females, who are facing a shrinking pool of eligible men, Bridget Jones had it easy.
I can personally vouch that for every miserable, white Bridget Jones singleton out there, there is a brown Bridget having a worse time. Many young British Asian women, be they Muslim, Sikh or Hindu, are struggling to find a life partner.
Alongside their white peers they have delayed marriage, putting education and careers first. Brown Bridgets, however, have more to moan about, working around religious and cultural limits leaves them with a small pond to fish in when it comes to finding their Mr Right. More Asian women are focusing on education and careers Samina not her real name is year-old lawyer in Manchester and her experiences are typical of many Asian women.
The last census showed that more British Asian men are marrying outside of their ethnic group than British Asian women. For Asian men the option to "marry out" is made easier by the fact that it is culturally, and in some cases religiously, less frowned upon to choose a partner outside of their faith than it is for Asian women.
Other men choose to marry a partner from their parents country of origin. In the government recorded just over 10, women coming to the UK from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh as part of a marriage. Yasmeen Khan has seen how difficult the dating game is Whatever the reasons are for marrying a woman from "back home", it leaves an even smaller pool of men for British Asian women to fish in.
In the scramble to find the perfect Asian husband, women are using every tool available to them. The choice ranges from looking for love online to matrimonial matchmakers - people within the community who bring suitable matches together, whether it's through family or through organised events.
Another option is the traditional parental route, where parents introduce their son or daughter to a prospective match with family present. It can be successful and some do meet the man or woman of their dreams in their mother's living room over a nice cup of tea. However, a parent's idea of a suitable boy or girl can of course be very different to what their offspring has in mind.
We went on to organise events in bars and restaurants in other cities including Birmingham and Manchester. In Asian culture, skin-shade snobbery is rife, with the general consensus the browner you are, the less desirable. One website offers a drop-down menu of skin shades. Despite the many challenges, including shade-ism, that British Asian women face, many find suitable partners and enjoy happy marriages.
As we're still in the first generation of well-educated, career-minded Asian women who have delayed marriage, drawing any conclusions about what will happen to those who don't is difficult. The male host asked: It's more acceptable for men to 'marry out' "We've started to notice a few more Asian women marrying outside of their own cultures," says Sat Bhatti, partner in wedding planning company OccAsianZ. Outside of London, for example, a mixed marriage is still a big deal.
Surprisingly, it was a first generation British Asian mother who recently offered some Bridget Jones-like idealistic insight that got straight to the heart of the matter. Below is a selection of your comments. Despite a limited pool of eligible men, are the expectations of young asian ladies so high that they are constantly saying 'Next', due to minor details like skin tone, age, family, size, income etc hoping that the next guy is 'Perfect'?
Secondly are young men marring outside the 'community' because it is socially acceptable or is it that the quality of young asian ladies are not acceptable to men?
I know many non-asain women that absolutly love the family ties withen asian familes. These are just two flip amongst many sides to your article and as a young asian man that has gone through this and after many discussions amongst other asian men in the same position i can tell you, that the problem is the attitudes and expectations of both sex's within the asian community. Ash, London I wholeheartedly agree with the views in this article. I was lucky enough to meet my husband while studying at university and have been married for six years.
However, for my sister who is a IT specialist working in the city- the task of finding that perfect match is proving very frustrating. First generation professional asian women don't want the 'cop out' solution of going to the motherland to marry, they want to find their equal here, who shares a common language and interests.
Since at least here in the asian community of Glasgow, no matter how boring I find the women my parents want me to marry, if I married a white woman I'd be ostracised from my family immediately. That's the stark choice that most British Asians - both male and female - face.
Either your family or marriage. Kahsim Anwar, Glasgow Absolute rubbish. Just as many men find it difficult to meet a partner who meets their criteria. Asian women are high flyers, and it's good they are, but they still want someone who is even more of a high flyer than them, which is fairly difficult! Lower your standards, look for an equal, not a superior, and you may have more chance. Good luck with it too! Not a single asian man, UK I have a beautiful sikh daughter in law who is adored by us all.
Her two oldest sisters had arranged marriages and this was what they wanted but S and her older sister J both "married out". My son worked very hard to be accepted by her family, yes he likes curry and he also attends sangat occasionally with S and her family. We love our mixed race extended family it is what multiculturalism is all about.
I am a single Indian male in London, and have been looking for an Indian partner for some time now. I am definitely looking for an Indian girl and would not consider marrying outside my culture or religion. I can fully understand the point of view of an Asian woman finding it very daunting to move in with their in-laws.
But as unfortunate as some may see it, this has become a very very traditional custom amongst all Asian families and has been happening generation after generation. I am still living with my mother and would hopefully like to find someone who would be happy to move in with me and my mother. Knowing how daunting this can be I am also keeping an open mind that I will have to compromise and realise that this may not always be possible.
The Asian community is such that if a son is not seen to be taking care of his widowed mother and instead 'puts her out' this would be frowned upon very badly by all, such is the pressure of the religious community. But at the sametime it is becoming increasingly difficult for myself to find a girl that will be willing to move in with me and my mother. My faith that I have and hold on to is that someday I will find a girl who will love me for who I am and how we are together.
So much so that she will be willing to do anything for me and I anything for her. On another note, I am in agreement with Yasmeen that these matrimonial websites that let you choose the skin colour has become quite outrageous.
Potential candidates being selected on their skin colour has become extrememly snobbish and must change in a world where we ourselves are trying to eradicate racism. Anonymous looking for love! When i'm at Asian events with my Indian girlfriends i get alot of attention from middle aged mothers; they ask what i do, where i was educated and really press. I get picked out straight away and it's a little disapointing that people are still so obsesed with colour.
Indeed I can not portray how shocked I am by the attitudes openly admitted here. Imagine if the subjects of this piece were white living in an area of high ethnic populations and the report was that they found it increasingly difficult to find suitable marriage partners because the stipulation was they had to be white and Christian. They would be accused of open racism so why is this different.
It also reflects badly on the state of integration that has been a major news story over the past weeks. I as a white male find it offensive that I would not be considered as a suitable partner for these British Asian women because of my skin colour - and that's what this article is saying.
Mark, Liverpool, UK Finally a mainstream article which acknowledges that being an educated, independant asian female is not an easy life! What is the world coming to Duppy, London What about me? I want to marry a woman who was born on June 17th, has green eyes, is left handed, can speak fluent Japanese and is between 5ft 2in and 5ft 2.
It's so unfair that most girls i meet don't fit the bill. Is there something i'm doing wrong? A regular supply of curry would be a deal-maker for me! Oliver Rudd, Bristol, UK.